recycle yourself

my new years resolutions (in no particular order):

buy a harmonica and learn to play Love Me Do and Folkin Around, and maybe more songs but those are the only ones I can think of right now.

have more faith in myself. or more like, HAVE faith in myself.

convince my dad to buy me a better camera.

have good reasons to smile more often. I mean, I smile when my two years old little cousin comes running with her arms opened and kisses me and talks to me in her language, but still I need more good reasons, since there's only just one Sofia in the world.

actually learn to play guitar.

since this is my senior year, I guess my resolution should be to have good grades and go into college. but you know what? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT KNOW. the year is just starting for fuck's sake and so far I don't care about college. maybe I'll start thinking about it later. and by later I mean in a few months. like sept. or oct. or... never...

not stop thinking.

dye my hair of crazy colors.

and now a little story: we were driving back to the city from the beach and I told my sister "this year we don't have to buy a new grey or dark blue uniform. WE CAN ACTUALLY WEAR COBRA-COLORED CLOTHES FOR SCHOOL" (cause for the past... 11 years I've worn grey uniforms) and it really felt awesome. I can wear my red jacket and my black and white jacket and all those winter jackets I love. and wear scarves and gloves and whatever of any color I want and IT FEELS SO GOOD. yeah I'm excited about that xD

what else... maybe start writing again.

drink less caffeine.

ok that's IMPOSSIBLE. I have an addiction to caffeine. but admitting is the first step so I'm doing good so far.

turn 18 and celebrate it in a disco with my close friends. friday night fever xD

watch more movies.

be less psycho.

which is probably impossible considering how psycho my friend Kris and my cousin's boyfriend are, although they don't know each other but they know me. so it's kind of impossible.

oh, I missed watching pictures.

maybe stop downloading so much stuff illegally. but I'm so broke and badass I really won't. like all the music I have on my notebook is illegally downloaded. and I must not forget to back it up.

more later. now I'll watch pictures.

search in youtube Cornelius and watch any of his videos. he's a genius.

music cures hangovers

HAPPY

NEW YEARS

EVE

! ! !

I'm going to the beach with my family to celebrate it.

And I still don't have a resolution... but as soon as I come back I'll change the colors of this blog. It's been pink for too long and I think it needs a change. Also, since we are going to the beach I'll take a lot of pictures and post them, or upload them to my flickr, whichever happens first.

My dad gets home any minute and then we're leaving.

So, party a lot and get drunk, tomorrow you won't realize it's already a new year if you're having a hangover.

Maybe Memories

So, '08 list... fuck. I'm editing this thing it's getting way too long.

Greatest things of the year:
1. Katy Perry
2. Pretty. Odd. by Panic At The Disco
3. The Joker played by Heath Ledger
4. The Hives show in sept
5. FOB show in march
6. Wall-E
7. my friends Dani and Kris, and everyone in the little support group for Panic's fans (aka fansclub)
8. Fast Times At Barrington High by The Academy Is...
9. The Glass Passenger by Jack's Mannequin
10. Mondayeyes
11. Howl by Empires

Bad things of the year:
1. that christian school I was going to
2. Jonas Brothers
3. Britney winning 3 Moonman without deserving it. YES they gave them to her just so she wouldn't kill herself.
4. losing a group of really good friends
5. the midnight meat train. or something like that, I don't even remember
6. can't believe I don't remember more. when I do I'll add them.

next time around

ok. I love this band. SAID IT! Fab Moretti, you look better without the beard though, but I still love you :)

Merry Christmas :) got no little story today, or anything interesting to talk about. other than it's 11:53 pm and I'm in the backyard (lol I'm a backyardigan) of my house telling my little sister to come see this video. she's making some drawings of I don't know what. I'm wearing this white dress. usually I do not wear white stuff, so this dress makes me feel... angelic I guess xD and pure. yeah crazy xD my cousin was just here, he came to tell me he was watching The Big Bang Theory (coolest tv show ever, besides That 70's Show) and he got bored and came to see us. I drank like three cups of tea at dinner. and my sister never came to see the video... I'm not a backyarding anymore, it was getting a little cold outside :)

now, to other videos... this is the one I was trying to make my little sister watch but she never came. SO...

I love when Howlin Pelle's head explodes xD this is another band I love. went to see them in sept when they came and I honestly hadn't had as much fun as I did in that show. they're not only amazing live but also really funny in interviews and such xD so if you haven't heard The Hives yet I recommend you to download their Black And White Album. yeah there's a reference to The Beatles in the name xD start with that one and if you don't like it then... well... kill yourself maybe? or something. although my fav is Tyrannosaurus Hives, but the other three are really amazing.

and if you're into cartoons then check this video out!


today I'm having a The Hives appreciation day. yeah except for the first video xD which is a Little Joy song, off their self-named debut album.

can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve... and next week is the LAST WEEK of the year. can't believe it either... but I am happy for it. this year hasn't been good for me and now it's almost over. I should write a review of it... or not. or yes.

in even another news... nothing. that's how my life has been since I'm on summer vacation. I've done nothing. except for listening music, playing guitar, going to the gym, not writing that much since I'm still blocked, but still, just waking up late and watching movies. and speaking of movies, I love Star Wars. I watched the last three today (A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi <- personal fav) and that's all I did this day! besides of course drinking three cups of tea... how lazy of me. tomorrow I'll make sure to have if even one good story. the three comments on my last entry made my night for some still unknown reason. have fun fellow bleeding hearts :) and may the Force be with us all. *coughgeekcough*

g'night!

Why I don't like Christmas

Y'know when you're little and your parents fill your head with stories about Santa comming down your chimney and putting all the presents under the tree and then you wake up in the morning and they're there and you missed seeing Santa but still you love the fact that you got what you wanted? I never believed in that story. The principal reason is because we lived in an apartment and therefore we couldn't have a chimney. And if there was no chimney, there was no way he used the door, because I would've heard him. Also because we (here in Chile at least) "celebrate" Christmas in a most weird way. On dec 24th we have dinner and when it's 00:00 (which means it's already dec 25th) we open the presents. So, even if he could manage to come into the house he could not put the presents under the tree without being watched. And that is certainly not the idea of the magic of Santa, right?. So I've never really had a christmas spirit. Besides, the christmas spirit is lost, and has been for a long time in this country. Christmas is all about buying stuff people don't need. And to make it worse, what if kids ask Santa for a specific thing and doesn't get it? You can't ask them to keep believing in somebody who doesn't give them what they want, they're kids! So parents actually are the ones who are lying to kids, and they're not even telling them the story right. If you don't have a chimney in your house and still believe that Santa exists you could stay up late and try to catch him... but you won't because he's not real.

So, for some time now I've been asking only one thing to my parents. If they want to buy me anything else, whatever, it's their money and they do what they want with it. Two christmas ago I asked for Panic's dvd and so I did again this time.

Another reason why I don't like christmas is because it turns everyone into hypocrites. Especially the people from school. Like you're in class and they tell you to make a christmas card to your classmates/teachers. I really can't do that... I mean, I could, because they will grade me. I fucking hate that but they will. So it sucks because I don't feel happy when I'm doing it. I just do it for the grade and that's just horrible because I put no effort in it and it makes me feel fake...

So it really isn't my fault that I don't have a christmas spirit. Or it could be, but I'm just being a good human and blaming it on somebody else.

PLUS, what do we celebrate in christmas? Jesus' birthday right? well, Jesus wasn't born in dec 24th. He was born in sept. And what we actually celebrate in dec is a pagane party to a god (don't remember his name). In ancient times, people made human sacrifices for him, more like baby sacrifices. They burned their little innocents babies in a statue of that god to honor him. I feel horrible knowing this, because all this years they've made me believe in the wrong story... also one of the reasons why I'm going through a huge crisis. Not only religious but also existential. I'm not completely hopeless though, since I see God in a different way than everyone.

My spanish teacher (who understood my crisis) told me one day that the people who go through any kind of crisis, their faith is stronger than the people who hasn't.

Will you love me when I'm gone?

listening to this song makes me want to have somebody to dedicate it to, or somebody who'd dedicate it to me. I've loved this band since I'm like 12, and of all their love songs this is probably my fav. What I love about a Foo-love-song is that it is a Foo-love-song and therefore is unique and beautiful, and sometimes even funny. Or the videos at least are, like the Everlong video. My second fav Foo-love-song would be Walking After You. Its video is also really touching. Wow, Foo appreciation day! Oh well, it's ok. I remember watching the Everlong video a few years ago with my cousin (to whom I owe many music) and laughing our asses off. So yeah, I do love this band :)


this is an Incubus love song, and probably one of my fav they've written so far. I've listened this band for about 6 or 7 years already and I know I'll always love them. Last year they came in october and it was the best concert I've ever been to. They're even better live than in the albums. This was the third-to-last song they played (I think) and it was an unexpected joy. I remember how amazing it felt to hear 5000+ people singing along and thinking "this is what I want...". Being one more in the crowd feels incredible, but probably being the one who wrote the song and having all this people singing it to you must feel even better. Or at least I'd love to do something that has to do with music, because I love it so much. And I also love photography (but I really need a better camera -.-) and those two things mixed would be amazing! I feel horrible lying to myself and to other people when they ask what am I gonna do with my future. But I don't think that a 9-5 routine thing is for me. If I do make up my mind (in the next 7 or 8 months) and decide to go to college, I'd be lying to myself even in that moment, probably thinking that is the best for me. I like psychology, but not as much as I love photography and music, and to make my dream come true (sounds too disney-ish...) I have to leave this country. I only have to find the best words to say this to my family. And the right time too...


Ok! last one. I promise. I just love the chorus of this song:
You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph

I definitely hate captcha

I'm in my 12-year-old sister's room. She has a computer of her own but it sucks, it's kinda slow. But still, it works, so whatever. Today I have realized how dislexic I really am. When you add somebody to your myspace, depending on their profile, some have that captcha thing turned on and some not. Sugarplum Fairy has it on and I probably had to type the letters and check at least three times before sending the add thing. Sweet! Then, while talking to my friend I wrote "vocer" instead of "cover". I read "remember maine" instead of "remember me". But. Dyslexia is actually fun. Like existential problems are fun too. Sometimes. Like The Strokes song.

Today I went to the dentist and I realized he looks like Obama!!! so I kept seeing Obama as my dentist and it was weird... so then I just started singing to myself to keep my mind away from that thought. No wait... to keep that thought away from my mind? Anyways... after that I went to do that exam at that artistic school. I'm scared. Tomorrow I'll know the results. But I had to draw and I suck at drawing. Still, I did my best. I knew I had to do my best. Honestly, this is the first time I walk into a school and not feel like an outcast. Which is a good thing. And it's a great thing actually! So... yeah, if if they don't accept me ... I hate thinking about this but that's my only choice to study. I am not staying in this other school and I do not want to go to another one. And next year is my last year of school and I have to finish it if I want to have the visa to get the hell outta here and live my own life playing music all day long without getting yelled at for being messy and taking pictures and not sleeping and drinking lots of coffee and just be me.

My sister is reading The Little Prince out loud. Which reminds of how much I HATE the fact that they made a movie where Tinkerbell speaks!!!!!!!! TINK DOES NOT SPEAK!! she has never spoken before and now they're doing a movie where she DOES!! Honestly, did they not read the book or what the hell is wrong with them?! How can they not understand that speaking is not necessarily communication? Tink has her own way to communicate and they should've let her do her own thing. But nooo they HAD to make her speak...

So yes. I missed writing. I hate writer's block. But last night I wrote this things that I liked... might post them at Mondayeyes. Will see tomorrow... now ... well, maybe I'll watch a movie.

I want to travel. Anywhere... but I want to travel really bad...

I'm only happy when it rains

So there's this other school I am going to see now. It's an artistic school!! so I'll probably have to print a few of my pictures to show them my work :) haven't been this excited since The Hives' show... which was in sept. hope this works!!

The Middle

So I was just sitting on a bench in the park of the condo, listening Jimmy Eat World, enjoying Bleed American and trying to not think about tomorrow. This lady comes out of nowhere, looks at me and asks "why so serious?" (yes she did ask that) and I told her I was just there listening music not bothering anyone. She said she thought I was sad, cause I was alone there, and when she was young she used to like being alone when feeling sad. I told her I was ok and smiled. Then she just disappeared. A few minutes later she came back (out of nowhere) again and told me, when she was my age she cried for anything: love, school, boys, problems, anything. She said crying is a good thing, makes you feel better. She asked me how old I was, 17 I said. She laughed. "At your age" she said "I was always alone, but being alone is a good thing, unlike most people say. You're free to do anything and not feel embarrassed about it. Plus, nobody bothers you if you're either writing or reading or listening music. And that loneliness, you have to enjoy it. Enjoy your life. You're only 17. And dream. Never stop dreaming. All your dreams will come true, you just have to be patience." And then she just disappeared again.

How ... weird yet amazing is that? This totally unfamiliar woman comes out of nowhere, like she just popped up or whatever, I don't know, I didn't see her until she talked to me, and tells me all this things. And right then in that moment, The Middle starts...

I cannot and do not believe in coincidences.

thanks for the blurry picture, bro.

it's already december 1st. wow. simply wow... finally this year is ending!!! I'm gonna have to start making a review of it... since i really have nothing else to do. other than listen to music and take care of my finger. i might become ambidixtrous after this xD

I like this one.

Just slammed the door on my finger and now I'm playing some Paramore songs in my broter's acoustic guitar I use as a bass (since I don't have one). It doesn't hurt anymore though, and it stopped bleeding when I was watching Howl's Moving Castle.

nerds will rule the world someday soon.

like they don't already xD *coughbillgatescough*

in other news! We Shot The Moon sounds good. reminds me of Jack's Mannequin. i like this band with piano thing, sounds really mellow and beautiful. i might as well learn to play it, since guitar is not my thing apparently. makes me sad! i've always wanted to have a red telecaster. but! i will. someday. and a bass... and play with my band in a soundproofed room so we won't bother the neighbors.

for summer vacations im gonna dye my hair. purple. as purple as possible. i wanna wake up in the morning and look at my face in the mirror and say SHIT! MY HAIR IS PURPLE! and since im gonna start working with kids i wanna hear them saying SHOOT! YOUR HAIR IS PURPLE! and when i see my friends they're gonna say SHIT! YOUR HAIR IS PURPLE!why? because i wanna have something different in my body. and something as exaggerated as dying my hair of a not-normal color seems an interesting and fun possibility. next year i'll dye it of another color. like Clementine from Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind! and maybe get a tattoo...

nobody's gonna wanna hire me after that ... like i care anyway ... or like i should care anyway. or like i shouldn't be thinking of this.

so yeah. im dying my hair purple. and getting a tattoo. and learning to play both piano and guitar even if my i have to mutilate my fingers.

and yeah. im still blocked ...

Existentialism (again...)

You know those people in the street, the ones who call themselves believers, sons/daughters of God, non-sinners and totally perfect human beings? They stand in front of your house, a group I'd say at least of 5, and the leader has a megaphone and calls you a sinner, he says (usually he, instead of she) the devil is living with you, you have denied God and will go to hell. You know how annoying they are? Just this week I was thinking, next time I see one of those groups, I'm gonna walk in their direction, stand right in front of them and ask, will they go to war to preach about their God? Will they preach to poor people? They are the ones who need a spiritual guide, or wasn't Jesus sent to this fucking planet to save them? To save the ones who have lost their faith. Their will. I'm probably gonna get yelled at and called a daughter of satan by this people, but whatever, I get that same speech all week (except saturdays maybe).

But you know what's wonderful about getting the same boring ass speech? What's wonderful is hearing people who actually make me reconsider and doubt of my so called religious crisis. For spanish class (which is exactically the same as english class, but in spanish, obviously) we had to pick a song, make our classmates listen to it and explain why we picked that specific song. A lot of them picked christian songs. And I must say they weren't convincing. But yesterday something happened. One of my classmates made me doubt. He used his own words to describe his reasons to believe. He said, he always knew about Him, but he didn't want to believe. And now that he does, he can't stop doing it. He needs it. He cherishes every single moment of his life as a believer. But he used his own words. He didn't say it like he had to say it. He said it like he wanted to say it. And that was amazing. It was so weird ... I wasn't expecting that of him. What was even more amazing is that when I told him this, he started crying. He cried like a baby. Although he didn't want to, he did anyway. It was crazy...

And just now I came back from visiting an uncle, who happens to be a believer. He's probably the only person I can sit down, shut up and listen to whatever he has to say to me. I've known him all my life and I respect him. And he's probably one of the few people I can believe in when he says God exists. He actually called me a rebel. He said I needed a place where I could be myself and be with God. But honestly, I hate being pushed. So I got mad when he told my mom to take us to his church. Which I hope with all my heart she does not, because I'm gonna stay outside. I know that as a teenager I'm supposed to need that christian guidance. But I've heard the same fucking speech so many times in the past 2 or 3 years I'm bored of it. Don't we all have the right to rebel? That's why I love this quote so much: Rebellion is the cure for casual malcontent, however temporary it may be - William Beckett. Genius. Or if he got it from sowhere else, still genius for quoting it.

I think my problems are, in deed, existential. If I'm questioning my own existence, I am therefore questiong also God's existence. If he does exist, and he created us human beings and gave us the ability to think, then don't I have my right to question him, myself, my parents, and practicly the human race itself and everything else that he created? I like to think I do. But maybe I don't even think. Maybe I'm himself and he's questioning himself. Maybe I'm a complex-minded character from a book. A book whose writer created to feel okay with himself, to feel like he's responsible of something so big that got out of his hands and now he regrets it.

I need answers. But as I look for them, I ask more questions that have difficult answers, or don't have them at all.

Or maybe we should just fuck off...

Shirt

so he said he wasn't gonna buy me one. he said "i've never even heard them". of course not... then he said "well, what are they anyway?". thank you. i pressed play. Hayley started. my dad said "cute. but still im not gonna buy you a shirt". again. thank you. i bought a t-shirt and a sharpie and started working on the front side. it took me 2 hours to get it completely done. meanwhile i listened to Howl and drank at least 3 cups of tea. then i went downstairs and my brother was watching a movie called the midnight meat train. that has to be the worst movie i've ever seen. not recommended. in fact, i feel embarrassed of even admiting i saw that shit. wasted time. i could've finished the shirt. the only good thing about those 2 hours i spent with my brother was the beer we had. it's weird to think that 10 years ago we watched disney movies together. with milk and cookies, of course. now we stay up late and watch shitty movies while drinking beer. everything changes. maybe in 10 more years i'll do the same, but this time with somebody else. anyway. this morning i woke up (early) and started working on the back side. i wasn't so sure about the e's but it looked good when i finished it. now i ironed it. took pictures of it. uploaded them to my foe.com. sent a message to their myspace. told them i was one of the 79 from chile. im gonna wear it now. im going out with my friends. they have a band and they cover foo fighters' songs and they're gonna go to this rehearsal space in the fucking middle of nowhere. they know how much i love the foo fighters and they invited me. i love having friends who have bands who cover bands i love.

http://www.weareempires.com

got a new haircut.
im gonna start making an empires t-shirt.
my dad refuses to buy me one. don't know what the hell is his problem.
he blames economy. he blames music. he blames me.
he blames everyone except himself. such a human.
my brother is watching titanic.
my mom is making pie.
my sister is with my brother.
don't know where my dad is.
me? im nowhere to be found.

smile, you're on camera.

At Least I Still Breath

Subway, 2007.

People live their lives so fast they can't stop to smell a flower or hear a baby's laughter. They don't know what they're missing. And I don't want to be like them.