I will never let him know

A week and three days have passed in this new (artistic) school. It's been odd and fun so far. I certainly expect this year to be better than the past eleven, but that's only up to me. I'll make it the best. Today I realized one thing, while we were in class. This school is divided in three arts: musical, visual and escenic. In the morning, classes are divided in years (freshman, sophomore, junior, senior, etc) and after lunch classes are divided by area (art). In each area, there are three different levels: level I or basic, level II or medium and level III or super. At least that's how I like to call them. Anyway, my little visual arts-senior group got together after lunch and we talked for a while. One of them is a boy. He was sitting next to me. He was saying something and I listened to him really carefully, and just then it hit me: I knew his voice. I knew him from somewhere else. Or I'd known him in my past life, whatever. Then when in the subway on my way home, I realized I was wrong: I did not know him, he just looks like somebody I knew a really long time ago. When I was like 9 I liked this kid from church. He was really sweet and a total goodie. I hadn't seen him since we started going to another church, so I didn't really have any news from him (or his family) in like 6 or 7 years. When I saw him again, I felt a little disappointed. I called myself stupid for liking him once, but then I forgived myself because I was only 9. We grow up, and we don't turn out to be what we said we would. It's okay to change. But it was shocking for me, considering I was only a kid when I liked him, and I've known him since I'm like 6. Almost 12 years. I remember a few months ago my dad told me this kid had become alcoholic and drug addict. This news made me really sad. But I ignore why he became such an asshole. Anyways, the boy from school... he is what I expected the other boy to be, and at the same time, he isn't. The resemblance amazes and frightens me. But I won't let it go further than this, I'll just enjoy my classmate's presence and art, since he's actually a great friend and even a greater artist.

Gotta go, eat something and draw some more trees.

Fifty first things

My friend Maria Zahir did a video once of fifty things about her. But she made 25 things she loves and 25 things she hates. I'm gonna copy her, just because the entry I was supposed to post saturday night is not finished. So, here I come!

25 things I love
1.- I love photography, and as I have come to understand, it's in the blood! almost everyone in my family loves photography, since I have pictures that my grandfather took in 1948, and it's a little exciting fun fact about this family that I ignored. Until a few months ago, of course.
2.- I love music, and always have. I remember humming Yellow Submarine being a little girl, and dancing to Seaside Rendezvous (by Queen).
3.- I love coffee.
4.- I love this cup I'm drinking tea in, it has a Marilyn Monroe drawing and it says "coffee is a girl's best friend", and it is larger than most cups.
5.- I love my bedroom. Well, not love it really, but I do like it very much, it's my little world.
6.- I love the smell of rain (or wet dirt).
7.- I love Fight Club.
8.- I love thinking. It requires time and dedication, and I have both! probably (way) more time than dedication, but when I do it, I dedicate myself to it with passion as if I were writing. Thinking helps, and doesn't sometimes, it confuses you, but at the end you realize it's worth doing it.
9.- I love Tim Burton, and my dad loves to blame him for my love for pretty-odd (no pun intended) things.
10.- I love looking at old pictures and remembering when/why they were taken.
11.- I love my friends Dani and Kris, I don't think I'd be who I am right now if it wasn't for them. Certainly, I'd most likely be like anyone else, but they kept me safe from those normal boring ass people and made me realize a lot of things. I love them for a lot of things.
12.- I fucking love the Foo Fighters!!! They're probably one of those bands I'd kill to see. And those are just two, the other one being Incubus, and I didn't have to kill to see them. I only paid a really low price, and now I feel like I stole from them. Weird huh?
13.- I love orange juice.
14.- I love writing. Currently, I find myself stuck in writing this little thing, but inspiration found me once again and I'm dedicating time to write this other little thing, which is going good!
15.- I love unusual answers. For instance, a normal conversation would be like this:
- hey, do you have the time?
- it's 3:30 pm.
- oh, thanks!
An unusual conversation, which I constantly have with my friend Kris, would be like this:
- hey, do you have the time?
- what? how can you ask me that? I do not have the time! I do not own it! and if I did own it, I'd use it to sleep, which is something I hardly do...
- mm... good point...
See? I love that. I love unusual answers. Here's another example:
- hey, you already decided what you want to study?
- I'm going to med school.
What a boring and normal answer!
- hey, you already decided what you want to study?
- well, I wanted to be an astronaut, but then I realized I'm short-sighted, so I can't. And then I wanted to be like Evel Knievel but I realized he's not a really good example... so I'm gonna buy a harmonica and study it.
SEE?! HOW AWESOME IS THAT! I also love writing letters! Anybody want a pen-pal?
16.- I love how this answers might freak some (read: most) people out, because they are so used to normality, when somebody is "not normal" is weird, and unfortunately, there aren't so many people not normal in the world. But lucky me! I know at least three of them! and they're all my friends!
17.- I love knowing that I can change my life, and I love knowing that I will, no matter what.
18.- I love talking, when it is worth doing it with somebody who is worth talking with.
19.- I love when I meet new people, sometimes I make up stories and I tell them instead of giving them true facts about me. Most of the time, they don't ever talk to me again, but hey, that's the point.
20.- I love being called Dee.
21.- I love surprises, and little details.
22.- I love guessing.
23.- I love playing 20 Questions, and I can for sure beat Mike Carden at it.
24.- I love marathons.
25.- I love monsters!!!
26.- I love quoting movies. And I love it more when people get the quote and recognize the movie.
27.- I love my nerd friends.

25 things I hate
1.- I hate that this list is only of "25 things", because I am sure there are way more than 25.
2.- I hate my sister's bedroom, and how she tried to copy mine by putting things on the walls and writing stuff on them, with a really bad spelling.
3.- I hate this desktop computer I'm using, but we're getting the notebook back tomorrow! and that's not even worth counting, so it doesn't count!
3.- I hate when people let me down, I hate letting down people and I hate letting myself down.
4.- I hate when people (mostly my sister, but I hate it from everyone) take my stuff without asking first, even if it is the tiniest thing. It is mine.
5.- I hate when my brother, my mom and my sister close themselves in this little shell of ignorance and stupidity. Let me make this clear: they all walk away from problems, instead of facing them and talking. This is something I hate about everybody, but I do it because it reminds me of them, and having bad memories about your own family must not be a good thing. Just the other day, my brother did something to my sister and she yelled at him. When she yells, she makes this really high voice and it's annoying (a friend of mine who is a musician said he might never come back to my house because of that). Anyway, I politely (as I have been with her since she came back from that christian camp where they turned her into a fake saint but I seem to be the only one who notices it since everyone else thinks she is enlightened) asked her to please stop yelling, and instead calm down and tell him to please don't bother her. She squealed "I can't help it! I can't not yell!". Me: of course you can, because you yell, and therefore you can stop yourself from doing it. "No! I can't!" and she did that thing with her head like a little paranoic shake, which I also hate from her, my brother and my mom, and therefore from everyone else who does it, cause it reminds me of them, as I said. My dad and I don't behave like this. We're safe!
6.- I hate politicians, and people who blindly and naively buy their shit and think they're God. They're thieves, yet some cannot see that.
7.- I hate not remembering things. They keep me awake all night until I put my finger on it, but it's too late.
8.- I hate some of the memories I have.
9.- I HATE HOLIDAYS. there, said it! No, okay, not all of them, only the religious ones.
10.- I hate clichés
11.- I hate this country I live in. I am the most non-patriotic chilean person alive. To make it worse, I am sick of it.
12.- I HATE SCHOOL.
13.- I hate big hits. At least the ones from this time. (big 80s-90s hits are great)
14.- I HATE TYPICAL LOVE MOVIES. Which are most of the time the kind my brother loves, but I still watch them, so when somebody asks me if I watched a certain romantic movie, I say "Yes. I hated it". Person: then why did you watch it?. Me: so I can tell you I hated it, and have a ground.
15.- I hate being bored.
16.- I hate when things some things don't work out. But then again, if they didn't, there must be a good reason ever for that.
17.- I hate fake saints and posers.
18.- I hate Disney Channel Princes/Princesses (sorry Kris, I know you like them, but you know I don't) and anything that has to do with them.
19.- I hate being the good child, but I'm turning that around on my favor. That sounds weird! Hahaha. Well, I meant, I hate when my parents used me as an example, but they can't anymore. I turned out to be everything they didn't want me to. But they just gotta learn to deal with it.
20.- I HATE TYPICAL LOVE SONGS. They're probably the most disgusting thing that has ever been written. And to make it worse, everyone else loves them. Obviously this people don't know The Carpenters, or Barbra Streisand, or Admiration by Incubus (or any other Incubus love song if that matters. I recommend to listen to Stellar, Echo, Here In My Room, Southern Girl, Monuments And Melodies, Summer Romance).
21.- I hate when my mp3 player (no, I do not have an ipod) runs out of battery. Especially if I'm at school.
22.- I hate having to wake up early.
23.- I hate when some people, after you've explained something to them, they're like "so?". Either they don't get it, or they don't get it. I also hate when I'm explaining things that are not that complex to my brother or my sister and they ignore me. I have been avoiding that a lot lately, it's a fucking waste of time.
24.- I hate having to do things. And I hate it even more if I'm doing it for a mark, and I hate it even more if I have to lie and step on myself to achieve that.
25.- I hate me sometimes. But I wouldn't change who I am for anything in this world. Just the other day my dad told me (perhaps a few years too late) that they could've paid a private school instead of sending me to a public one, and I started thinking... if that would've happened, I'd be just like anybody else, and I'd hate myself for that. So I might wake up one day hating me, but then again, I wouldn't change it.
26.- I hate that Dig by Incubus, being the most amazingly different and beautiful song I have heard from them, brings me really painful memories. And I hate avoiding listening to it.
27.- I hate watching making-of's of some movies. For instance, I'd hate to know how Anthony Hopkins and Gaspard Ulliel did all those killings and eatings. I rather die of curiosity first.
28.- I hate Matrix. However, I enjoy the idea of a holographic world. But the movies suck. It's the movies, just that.
29.- I hate Brad Pitt. Even if he's the answer to any question that doesn't even have something to do with him, and even if my family (especially my dad) thinks he might be God, and even if he's perfect for any role he's played (I haven't watched Thelma & Louis though) and even if no other actor could've played Tyler Durden as great as he did, I still hate him. Yes, I see the contradiction. I hate him but I give him credits for being a good actor. I constantly do that, and I learned to deal with it.
30.- I hate when people say that my mom or my dad are cool. And some people don't understand why I don't see them like that. My only answer to that is: "you don't live with them".

See how I didn't do 25 of the things I hate? I could go on and on with both lists but I won't. My eyes are tired and my ears are begging me to listen to more Incubus.

Good night!

according to my sister, it's the BFF Week.

I really don't know what to think of it, since I hardly believe what she or my older brother tell me, cause their sources are always wrong. Still... ok, who am I kidding, even if it was the BFF Week, I wouldn't know what to think of it.

There's a lot of things that I don't know what to think of. And if I do think of them, I never say "okay this is my opinion about [insert thing here]", cause I don't have anything concrete about it. Lately, many of this things have been about religion. Everything I was tought when I was a kid is exactically what I now doubt of. It's hard and complicated, mostly because I was raised in a christian family, and they (my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents) hate when I start talking about my doubts.

Unfortunately, to blog about this I need more than 27 minutes, which is what's left of my notebook to live. So, until I blog again, I will really think of what I will write.

Later!

Wish List

Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk (honestly, I'd name all his books, cause I want them all, but I really don't want to read Fight Club from my computer, my eyes are already screwed up)
Rare Birds - Amanda De Cadenet
I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone - Stephanie Kuehnert
Big Fish - Daniel Wallace
The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy And Other Stories - Tim Burton
No One Belongs Here More Than You - Miranda July
Apples - Richard Milward
Night Watch, Day Watch, Twilight Watch, Last Watch - Serguéi Lukyanenko
Anything by Isaac Asimov

Those are the ones I can think of right now... or at least the ones that were in my list. The one I have to show my dad (with prices). They're all used though, so they don't cost more than $10, and even some of them cost like $2.

In a side, completely unrelated note, Ben Gibbard owns my soul. If he's not God then I don't know who God might be. And if he's not God then there is no hope for humanity. (is there, anyway?)

Villains

of Gotham City should attack in daylight. YES I KNOW THAT IS NOT THE IDEA OF THE COMIC/MOVIE because the law and Batman are the goodies and they should always win. But, jeez, couldn't the bad guys at least win once? it's like Tom and Jerry! fucking Jerry always wins! poor Tom gets kicked in the ass by that old lady all the time! But now that I remember, in The Dark Knight, Joker does attack in daylight... and it results to Detective Gordon getting "killed". Oh well.. if I was a villain of Gotham City I'd attack Bruce, not Batman.

myspace question

so when you send a friend request, and that person/artist/band/whoever approves it, you get a message that says "[add name here] is now your friend!". but if you get a friend request, and you deny it, does that person/artist/band/whoever gets a message that says "[add name here] did not approve your friend request and therefore is not your friend"? would he/she/they be like OH FUCK YOU THE WORLD IS HUGE AND WE DIDN'T EVEN LIKE YOU ? or maybe that person doesn't get a message saying that, so he/she/they wouldn't get mad. but hey, you can't ask anyone to like you! (there's only one person in the world who can do that and that's Gabe Saporta, just cause he's an asshole and he's Gabe Saporta and he can do it because ... well because he's Gabe Saporta...there's really no logic in it but it does make sense)

yeah I do think about things like this sometimes. it's just ... what I'm looking at right now. ads also make me think. or, more like, almost everything makes me think. even little bugs.

this is probably one of the coolest ads I've seen this year...

I laugh at myself

so, while my friend and I were listening to The Who yesterday, she dyed my hair.

she had to bleach it...so I kinda looked like a blonde Hayley Williams for a while.it was scary.... I was blonde!

then part two of the process...

and when part two was done, it definitely wasn't what I expected...but I LAUGHED so hard at myself when I saw the results...

I was fucked up. but then we bought another one of those things and now it looks like this...myspace angle shot. christmas tree included xD

I'm still laughing at myself for yesterday.

it will be a day to remember

like when I have kids I'm gonna tell them about this and I'm gonna laugh my ass off at myself...and they're gonna think. Wow. Mom's so crazy o.O

hey! at least we had the time of our lives. we deserved it after this fucking year...

and now it's my turn to bleach and dye my friend's hair!

bleaching itches like hell. I tried to be optimistic about it and laughed instead of whining.

and it doesn't look as purple as I wanted, but whatever, it was fun and I like it.

and now I have to go wake up my little sister and then make lunch.

all that... while listening The Rapture.

and then some Bowie.

I'm only happy when it rains

So there's this other school I am going to see now. It's an artistic school!! so I'll probably have to print a few of my pictures to show them my work :) haven't been this excited since The Hives' show... which was in sept. hope this works!!

The Middle

So I was just sitting on a bench in the park of the condo, listening Jimmy Eat World, enjoying Bleed American and trying to not think about tomorrow. This lady comes out of nowhere, looks at me and asks "why so serious?" (yes she did ask that) and I told her I was just there listening music not bothering anyone. She said she thought I was sad, cause I was alone there, and when she was young she used to like being alone when feeling sad. I told her I was ok and smiled. Then she just disappeared. A few minutes later she came back (out of nowhere) again and told me, when she was my age she cried for anything: love, school, boys, problems, anything. She said crying is a good thing, makes you feel better. She asked me how old I was, 17 I said. She laughed. "At your age" she said "I was always alone, but being alone is a good thing, unlike most people say. You're free to do anything and not feel embarrassed about it. Plus, nobody bothers you if you're either writing or reading or listening music. And that loneliness, you have to enjoy it. Enjoy your life. You're only 17. And dream. Never stop dreaming. All your dreams will come true, you just have to be patience." And then she just disappeared again.

How ... weird yet amazing is that? This totally unfamiliar woman comes out of nowhere, like she just popped up or whatever, I don't know, I didn't see her until she talked to me, and tells me all this things. And right then in that moment, The Middle starts...

I cannot and do not believe in coincidences.

I want this Johnny Cupcakes shirt.