Coin-Operated Boy

JUST REMEMBERED THIS! I'm freaking myself out, I hate when this kind of flash backs attack. They're a pain in the ass, because most of the time, they are bad memories. Or not bad, but just memories I tried to forget, succeed, and somehow, they always manage their way back to my head. does that even make sense? oh what the hell, when did I start to care if something makes sense or not...

Back to 2006, first year of highschool. I guess that's what in the US they call freshman (is it?). Anyway, for english class, the teacher said we had to sing a song. We were like 45 students in one classroom, and I was the only one happy about it. Only because I like singing, and I immediatly knew which song I wanted to sing! Coin-Operated Boy, by The Dresden Dolls. The thing is, it wasn't just singing it, we had to dress up and play around while singing. Just like if you were on a theatre, or onstage with your band, etc. So, I HAD IT ALL PLANNED. Everything! I spent days planning my entrance, what I was gonna do, some mime tricks, just any The-Dresden-Dolls-esque thing that crossed my mind. It was really something. And, one day, the teachers says, we're not gonna do this project. WHAT ?! we're not going to do it, beacuse, some students barely understand english, and asking them to do something like singing in english would be quite selfish. So, instead, you're just gonna have to read a little piece of something. Oh you fuckers... I was gonna cut their heads off. I'm not exagerating, though I love doing it (it's fun!), but seriously, I got really sad, I really wanted to do it... Then, the teacher one day says we're gonna have to sing a song, but this time IT WAS FOR REAL. So I thought, ok, no Dresden Dolls, now it's Panic At the Disco time! I figured if I sang There's A Good Reason, I was gonna have to dance, and I wanted to dance, so that was my choice. So I started planning my revenge! Everything was going great, until one day, the teacher says "change of plans, you're all gona sing the same song" WHAT?! yeees, the same song... once again, OH YOU FUCKERS! Besides, you know what song was?! I Can See Clearly Now. OH REALLY?! yes, really... that one. And it was a group thing, so my group came everyday after class to my house (just cause it was the closest one to school) and we sang the fucking song a few times and I got sick of it. SO. The same day we were gonna have to "perform" the song, it was the Yellowcard show, and at that time I was a huge Yellowcard fan. But I had no tickets. So that morning I was listening to a radio show and if you called and guesses the song you could win tickets! GUESS WHAT. I CALLED. I GUESSED. I WON! Then we performed and we got an A and apparently we were the only group that got A's and then I said my goodbyes and I ran to the arena and I sang along to all the songs and then I took a picture of the bassplayer (I think his name is Sean) and just when I shot he looked into the camera (so I guess he got blind for a few seconds) and when I was looking at the pictures in my computer his eyes looked red. Although, those pictures got lost in the other computer, and now I don't know where they are. To make this whole deal even more a trauma for me, I was watching Igor, and at the very end of the really cute Burton-esque movie, the blind orphans sing I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW. Of course, (and I will not exagerate this time) I got all psycho-girlfriend on the movie and started yelling at it... FUCKER. WHY THAT ONE. I mean, of course, it was ironic, cause the blind orphans are ... well, blind, and they can't see, but still they can see clearly now the rain is gone, because Malaria (which is where they live) was a dark place and it was cloudy and dark all day and night. Yeah I got the irony of it, cause I'm quite ironic and sarcastic. But seriously. WHY?!. And yes, I did get all psycho-girlfriend on the movie for doing it. I do it sometimes. It's relaxing.

my little sister

is in that age... and it freaks me out. i really can't stand her being locked in her bedroom, online talking with whoever. she's been a real pain in the ass lately, with all this new friends she's making. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm only saying that she likes to show off and thinks she can talk to me like if I was some dumb common criminal. And I don't like that, as a sister I respect her and therefore she must respect me. But she thinks just because her friends are in her bedroom she doesn't have to. So I rather not talking to her. And jeez... kids this day are horrible. Too much TV can really affect you, and they're living proof of that. But also, I cannot tell her this. So I don't. I shut up. To not ... make her to hate me, cause I'm right (on my way), but I don't want her to hate me either, so I shut up. I don't even complain to my parents. But it does freak me out... especially boys. They scare me. They're not like the boys when I was 12, and still then they were a little more gentleman. Now it's all about "hey give me your msn/facebook/fotolog/whatever" and they think they know each other. The immatureness of this kids is what scares me. I like to blame it on the TV, but their parents are guilty. Letting their kids watching TV is way easier than sitting with them and talk about... I don't know, Gaza, maybe. Or that's just me and my dad. The other day I used a metaphore while we were having dinner and my sister stared at me like "wtf did you just say" and it wasn't THAT hard to understand. It was this one: "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for life." It really isn't that hard to understand, is it? This whole issue freaks me out... one day I couldn't find my eyeliner, so I went downstairs and asked my sister "do you have my eyeliner?" and just freezed. I honestly never realized that someday I was gonna ask her that, and when I did it felt weird. But oh well, that's just how life it is. I still can be a good big sister and try to talk with her (NOT using metaphores).

Charlie Ravioli

"A paracosm is an imagined, detailed fantasy world invented by a child or perhaps an adult, involving humans and/or animals, or perhaps even fantasy or alien creations. Often having its own geography, history, and language, it is an experience that continues over a long period of time: months or even years."

Bumping into Mr. Ravioly by Adam Gopnik: "busyness of life in New York City; effects on a child's imagination."

Just read this, and researched a little bit about paracosms. It's really good. Or at least I really liked it.

Birthday Party

yeah right. More like "family dinner". I forgot how ... weird those things can be sometimes. Fun, however, since Sofia was there, but still... to think that this year I'll turn 18, I really don't want a family dinner birthday party for my birthday. But it's inevitable! I'm gonna have it anyway... only I could run away from it, go to a disco instead. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Oh shit. I'm gonna turn 18 and I'm a senior. But wait, why do I act like I didn't know this before? Of course I did know this before! Jeez, I'm being such a little girl about this whole I'm-a-senior thing. Yeah it is my last year at school, I should celebrate. But oh wait, see, my parents think that because it's my last year they can push me all they want to go to college. But fuck it. So far, I'm not going. If I change my mind and end up deciding that I will go, still at that moment I'll have doubt. OH fuck... I'm not good when it comes to this situation. Let's take a look at the options, shall we? yes, we shall. Option A would be psychology. But, women who think men are useless and shit are the reason why I would not choose this option, since they're the ones who "need" mental help, and I couldn't do it. Option B would be graphic design/photography... I could only choose this option if I move to the US. Which I am more than willing to do. Those are my two options. And unfortunately, I hate the idea of college. I dislike, more than anything in this world, being graded and fighting for a grade. I hate waking up early, and that 9-5 routine. I hate routine. I would get to drink coffee every morning, but I can do that even without going to college. So... that leaves me with no options. I am, however, not so hopeless. If I move to the US, I can start looking for people to make a band, since it's really what I want. The amazing addition to music, is photography. Getting to be in so many places, and having your camera with you is just really awesome. I love taking pictures and I enjoy traveling. And I love music... so that would be my real option. So, I need money. I'm turning 18 so I can work. How many fucking times have I gone over this again and again and again and again and again and again and again and so on? I lost the count. But that's my plan. Whenver people ask me about college I say "I'm gonna study psychohistory" and nobody gets it. Except one man I know, since he's probably a 25 year old male version of me, maybe a little more psycho, and he's a psychologist. Not mine. I mean, he studied psychology at college and now he's a psychologist. I do ask him questions when I have them and I know he can answer. Oh man... Yann Tiersen is amazing. You might know him from Amélie. He made the music for the movie. But he has his own albums... been listening to him this week a lot. Such a talented man. Makes me wanna learn to play accordion. Which reminds me, in a most nonsense way since it's really unrelated, I wanna learn to dance jazz. I love jazz and I was at my uncle's and he's a musician and he loves jazz, so we were listening to it. And I really felt like dancing. So I have another resolution: learn to dance jazz. Also learn to play guitar, and maybe harmonica. And get a better camera, definitely. Something's wrong with mine, it won't turn on sometimes. I need another one, a better one! And I have to start writing songs again. Or finish the ones I started. I feel like I have to enjoy this year... but I also feel like not giving a shit about it. Which way should I go? Also I feel sleepy. And I have to get up early tomorrow, since today I didn't go to the gym.

So, even though it's still a little early, and I'm gonna miss SNMC,
G'night!

Backyard

I just found my guitar pick in my sister's bedroom. I really can't help but wonder what the fuck it's doing here, since she doesn't play guitar. But, also, the guitar is here too. Maybe the guitar and the pick were playing themselves? Mmh... maybe they were covering some Remember Maine songs? *note to self: buy new strings*

Today. So, today I was supposed to go out with my dear Kris. I texted her twice, called to her cellphone twice, and there was no answer. I called to her house and there was no answer either so I guessed they went out and she forgot to take her cellphone. I still love you, and I know you would've not go to Starbucks with me so it's ok, we can still go out some other day and I promise I will not make you go to Starbucks. You can stay outside while I order my coffee xD. Still, I went out on my own. I desperately needed caffeine, so I went to Starbucks and bought a Vanilla Latte. Venti of course, I needed a lot of caffeine. I took a walk to this thrift shop and bought a shirt. There was a The Academy Is... shirt to my surprise. But it was too small for me. And it didn't have the "..." so there was no use to buy it to my friend either. Then I walked to a used books fair. But it was far away so I walked like 10-15 minutes. Which was actually really cool, cause I had my coffee with me. Though it's summer so I got a lot of wtf stares. But whatever. I eat ice-cream when it's winter. With Kris. While I was walking this guy came up to me and asked me if I could give him a minute of my time. I stopped, put the coffee on the floor, put the plastic bag into my bag, took my coffee off the floor and stared at him. He thanked me, and said nowadays nobody listens. He handed me a paper were there was this poem written on and he started talking about his writer's group and art and such. I told him, as an artist (writer/photographer) myself, not even my parents take me seriously. Which is sad, cause they're my parents. But I still do it. Then I just kept walking. And walking. And there was a red light so I stopped. And then I walked some more. More. Kept walking. And ... then I got where I wanted to go. So I started walking and taking a look at the books, and I was getting sad cause I'd found none of my interest, and suddenly I came across this one called The Best American Magazine Writing 2003, and it seemed interesting so I bought it. The first journal is about Pernkopf, a nazi austrian anatomist who used the dead bodies of Jewish people, and many talented artists who drew and painted parts of the bodies, to write his very own anatomy book, which is now forbiden I think. It turned out to be really interested so I'm happy I bought it. Now I'm gonna have something else to do, other than knit and watch movies. Right after that, I walked to a park and kept walking until I found a bench far away from making-out couples. On my way over there I started a song and when I finally found it I wrote it on my sketchbook! so I'll post it later. I sat down and read a little bit. Then I realized it was almost 8pm and that I should get home, because I was also getting hungry. So I took the subway and listened to Living In America by The Sounds. Really good band. Really good album. But it killed me that I couldn't dance in the subway. I mean, I could have, but I didn't. So I just tapped my foot to the beat. I got home and ate some watermelon in the backyard. My parents and my brother were there and we had a little "family" time. Or not really, since my brother was playing Diablo on the notebook, and my parents were reading the newspapers. But I sat down with them anyway. We talked a little bit and then my uncle, my aunt, and my two cousins showed up and we had a little real family time this time. We ate dinner like at 10:30pm. That is another thing I like about being on vacations. I wake up at 7am, fall asleep again, wake up at 11am (like the Incubus song) and take a 5-10 minutes cold shower, then have lunch, then do whatever, drink a lot of water, maybe watch movies or go out, I forgot to say I wake up earlier actually to go to the gym, then I always eat dinner really late, and stay up late at night trying to fall asleep, and finally fall asleep at 4am. That's a normal day on vacation for me. Usually after vacation, when you go back to school everyone talks about what they did on vacation. Usually, what everyone says is that they went out every night to a party and got really drunk and just kind of almost killed themselves drinking. Then when it's my turn and I say "I slept" they don't get it. Why didn't I party? Did I even drink? Yeah sure, but vacation for me is to sleep what I did not in school time. On vacation, I actually sleep more than my usual 3-4 hours. And that's what I've been doing lately. Where was I...? um... oh yeah, dinner. Then I came upstairs and I've been here on the computer (it's a desktop computer!) in my sister's bedroom writing about my day.

Maybe I'll do this more often... since my camera is being weird and it's not letting me take pictures. It's either the camera or the bateries, but there's something wrong and I haven't been able to take pictures. Which gives me an excuse to tell my dad to buy me another one. Hope he does. So yeah, maybe I will write about anything more often. I mean, isn't that what blogging is about?

Music recommendations:
-The Shoe Jena Malone singing reminds me of Regina Spektor, except out of key and maybe crazier and more random. Really cool.
- The Fold they remind me of another band but I can't remember which one at this moment. But they sound good.
- The Films I love It's Christmas (What's The Difference). Really good title and even better song.
- Program The Dead download their albums for free. And listen to them. You won't regret it.
- And of course, if you haven't downloaded it already, go get Howl NOW. For Free (that's why they're broke).
- Also, listen to a song called My Yard by Jamie Cullum. It's beautiful. And if you're into jazz, get his albums, he's one talented pianist and singer.

Here, watch this, a beautiful High And Dry cover, by Jamie Cullum of course.


If you do like him, check out I Get A Kick Out Of You, Twentysomething, All At Sea, and any other song. Those are some of my personal fav.

Another band that can make really good long songs and amaze the crowd is Incubus. Check them out, maybe watch some live videos, especially of Pistola, Sick Sad Little World, and Have You Ever, those are the songs that are usually played longer live. Maybe buy their dvd Look Alive, they were in Europe (and Israel, Iceland, and Dubai)when they recorded it so it also shows really beautiful landscapes. Maybe some footage of their show in Chile would've been in it, but Mike had surgery so they had to change the date, and we didn't get to be in the dvd. But a national tv channel recorded the whole concert, and it's on youtube now. Maybe watch it too. It's amazing.

It's 1:38am already, so G'night!

Sofia (again)

this picture is blurry (and heavy). but to be honest, it's the best memory i have of this summer. this is Sofia. she's 2 years old. to her age, she's probably the most intelligent baby i've met. besides her older brother maybe. if you're clear when you talk to her you will get a good conversation. in her language of course, but it's really not hard to understand her once she gets familiar with you and once the rest of us tells you the meaning of her words. for example, she says petn when she sees a bird. and that's probably our fav word. so there's actually a threat in my family: whoever teaches her to say "bird" gets killed. qnqn, yes just like that, are coins. any kind of coin. and there's a lot more, but those two are my fav i think. also, as you can see in the picture, she's really fotogenic. and really nice. and really beautiful. if only she wouldn't grow up any more and just stay like that. it's gonna be so weird to listen to her saying bird...

*sigh* kids ...

my little sister and her bff had a stupid fight a while ago, cause my little sister didn't wanna go riding bikes and her bff did. so they got divorced. and they told each other on my mom, and I told them both "punch her!". now I went downstairs to the kitchen to make some more tea and they were dancing this song from Disney Channel. and they're laughing they're asses off now but I don't know why. that's probably what I miss about being a kid... cause now you have a fight with anyone and you never really know what's gonna happen, but for kids it's easier, they just forgive each other and keep playing. I miss being a kid. I really do... life somehow seemed... easier and funnier. I don't like growing up at all.