Birthday Party

yeah right. More like "family dinner". I forgot how ... weird those things can be sometimes. Fun, however, since Sofia was there, but still... to think that this year I'll turn 18, I really don't want a family dinner birthday party for my birthday. But it's inevitable! I'm gonna have it anyway... only I could run away from it, go to a disco instead. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Oh shit. I'm gonna turn 18 and I'm a senior. But wait, why do I act like I didn't know this before? Of course I did know this before! Jeez, I'm being such a little girl about this whole I'm-a-senior thing. Yeah it is my last year at school, I should celebrate. But oh wait, see, my parents think that because it's my last year they can push me all they want to go to college. But fuck it. So far, I'm not going. If I change my mind and end up deciding that I will go, still at that moment I'll have doubt. OH fuck... I'm not good when it comes to this situation. Let's take a look at the options, shall we? yes, we shall. Option A would be psychology. But, women who think men are useless and shit are the reason why I would not choose this option, since they're the ones who "need" mental help, and I couldn't do it. Option B would be graphic design/photography... I could only choose this option if I move to the US. Which I am more than willing to do. Those are my two options. And unfortunately, I hate the idea of college. I dislike, more than anything in this world, being graded and fighting for a grade. I hate waking up early, and that 9-5 routine. I hate routine. I would get to drink coffee every morning, but I can do that even without going to college. So... that leaves me with no options. I am, however, not so hopeless. If I move to the US, I can start looking for people to make a band, since it's really what I want. The amazing addition to music, is photography. Getting to be in so many places, and having your camera with you is just really awesome. I love taking pictures and I enjoy traveling. And I love music... so that would be my real option. So, I need money. I'm turning 18 so I can work. How many fucking times have I gone over this again and again and again and again and again and again and again and so on? I lost the count. But that's my plan. Whenver people ask me about college I say "I'm gonna study psychohistory" and nobody gets it. Except one man I know, since he's probably a 25 year old male version of me, maybe a little more psycho, and he's a psychologist. Not mine. I mean, he studied psychology at college and now he's a psychologist. I do ask him questions when I have them and I know he can answer. Oh man... Yann Tiersen is amazing. You might know him from Amélie. He made the music for the movie. But he has his own albums... been listening to him this week a lot. Such a talented man. Makes me wanna learn to play accordion. Which reminds me, in a most nonsense way since it's really unrelated, I wanna learn to dance jazz. I love jazz and I was at my uncle's and he's a musician and he loves jazz, so we were listening to it. And I really felt like dancing. So I have another resolution: learn to dance jazz. Also learn to play guitar, and maybe harmonica. And get a better camera, definitely. Something's wrong with mine, it won't turn on sometimes. I need another one, a better one! And I have to start writing songs again. Or finish the ones I started. I feel like I have to enjoy this year... but I also feel like not giving a shit about it. Which way should I go? Also I feel sleepy. And I have to get up early tomorrow, since today I didn't go to the gym.

So, even though it's still a little early, and I'm gonna miss SNMC,
G'night!