everyone else is upstairs

I'm taking over the world

2009-10-09T21:55:00.001-07:00

YES! I AM!

and you can now find me on tumblr

I love this video.

2009-10-09T20:32:00.001-07:00

500 Minutes with the Guys from 500 Days of Summer from FirstShowing.net on Vimeo.

and it gives me good ideas too.

2009-10-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

A woman is sitting on a chair, wearing a black dress. She’s barefoot, tapping her fingers, as the man standing in front of her plays the saxophone. “I wrote a song for you” he told her, and bought her a coffee. They sat at a table near the window, looking into each other’s eyes, not saying any words at all. Her curly hair moved everytime she moved her head even the slightest bit, and it was driving him crazy.

That afternoon they walked to his apartment, and they took the way through the park. It was a not-so-cold autumn day. He wanted to hold her hand, but she kept them in her pockets. He sighed and shrugged. She asked him if he was cold, took off her scarf and put it around his neck, without waiting for an answer. He thanked her. The scarf smelled really good.

She took off her shoes when they arrived to his place. It was warm inside. The air smelled like coffee and cigarettes. He took her coat, and she sat on a chair. He took his saxophone out of the case, closed his eyes, and started to play the song he’d written for her.

And just this morning they were strangers.

2009-10-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

me.

when i was five.

October 4th: A Happy Fucking Cool Day

2009-10-04T17:59:00.001-07:00

Two amazing things that have happened today:

1. Maria's mom found a better job and they're going out to celebrate it. She deserved it !!!

and

2. This is a story I wrote for my literature class assignment last month. Now, it's in a video and it has music. Nine people, including Joseph Gordon-Levitt (creator of the website) himself collaborated to make this amazing masterpiece.

I've been smiling all day long!!!! this morning my mom was yelling at me cause I had to clean my room and all I said was "okaaaaaaay" in a singing tone and I just cleaned it. THAT'S HOW HAPPY I AM!!! I will know tell you the story of the day the teacher read it out loud for the whole class to hear it. He chose the ones he thought were the best, and he read mine too. So, when I heard of the existence of hitrecord I signed up. When I recorded it (...in my mp3 player) I did it twice. I didn't like the second one. The first one already was good, and since it was the first time I read it, it felt stronger, cause for the second one I already knew how to read it. I posted that one and The Blue Elephant, which was another literature class assignment, and the rest is what just happened.

Other literature class assignments: a love letter, a suicide letter, a message in a bottle, and a sonnet. Writing sonnets or poems in general is impossible for me. I can't make rhymes. I just can't. I was told by my teacher that I write "poetic prose" instead of poetry poetry. I thought, well this guy knows what he's talking about. But I can't rhyme so the last assignment is getting hard to create. But I have to do it anyway.

Once again, this day couldn't be better. I'm so happy I said to my friend "fuck Newton". Look!

Too Many People dice:
-YES !!!!!!!!!!
-today is a fucking happy day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maria Zahir dice:
-WE'RE AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD
-EVEN IF WE ARE IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD/
Too Many People dice:
-WE'RE IN BOTH TOPS OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-they're two? or is it just the northern one? because of how the world goes around...
-um...
Maria Zahir dice:
-one
-cause
Too Many People dice:
-yeah
Maria Zahir dice:
-south is down
-hahaha
Too Many People dice:
-ahahhahaha
-but if you're in the south polo
-it is the top of the world
Maria Zahir dice:
-it's the bottom
-if i were to stand upside down
Too Many People dice:
-according to Newton
-but fuck Newton!
-it's THE TOP!!!
-I'm so happy I just said "fuck Newton"
Maria Zahir dice:
-LMFAO!!!!!!!
-THAT MADE ME LAUGH A BIT TOO MCUH
-MUCH**
Too Many People dice:
-YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
-THAT WAS THE GOAL!!!
-I NAILED IT !!

See? that's just how happy I am.

Now I'm going to run around and jump. Maybe I'll get tired and will actually be able to sleep.

And by the way, somebody reblogged it from Joseph's tumblr and said I had a french accent. Thanks!! But I'm not french, I do speak a little french. And I'm actually going to study french next year. It was one of the best compliments I've ever heard.

People Are Strange - Making Of

2009-10-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

Route

2009-10-02T21:05:00.001-07:00

Playboy Magazine: Mistake or not, what made you decide to go the rock-'n'-roll route?
Bob Dylan: Carelessness. I lost my one true love. I started drinking. The first thing I know, I'm in a card game. Then I'm in a crap game. I wake up in a pool hall. Then this big Mexican lady drags me off the table, takes me to Philadelphia. She leaves me alone in her house, and it burns down. I wind up in Phoenix. I get a job as a Chinaman. I start working in a dime store, and move in with a 13-year-old girl. Then this big Mexican lady from Philadelphia comes in and burns the house down. I go down to Dallas. I get a job as a "before" in a Charles Atlas "before and after" ad. I move in with a delivery boy who can cook fantastic chili and hot dogs. Then this 13-year-old girl from Phoenix comes and burns the house down. The delivery boy - he ain't so mild: He gives her the knife, and the next thing I know I'm in Omaha. It's so cold there, by this time I'm robbing my own bicycles and frying my own fish. I stumble onto some luck and get a job as a carburetor out at the hot-rod races every Thursday night. I move in with a high school teacher who also does a little plumbing on the side, who ain't much to look at, but who's built a special kind of refrigerator that can turn newspaper into lettuce. Everything's going good until that delivery boy shows up and tries to knife me. Needless to say, he burned the house down, and I hit the road. The first guy that picked me up asked me if I wanted to be a star. What could I say?
Playboy Magazine: And that's how you became a rock-'n'-roll singer?
Bob Dylan: No, that's how I got tuberculosis.

reblogged from this guy's tumblr.

Waltz - Fiona Apple

2009-09-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

If you don't have a date, celebrate. Go out and sit on the lawn and do nothing, 'cause it's just what you must do, nobody does it anymore.

Everybody Lies

2009-09-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

Vonnegut is fucking serious.

2009-09-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

this really happens. take it from somebody who's an expert in the field. VONNEGUT IS FUCKING RIGHT!!!!

Bukowski

2009-09-17T11:13:00.001-07:00

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

I have a little situation here

2009-09-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

Which is quite simple but as always I am just making it a little complicated. Yeah, just for fun, y'know?

There's this photographic contest from a magazine, about teen pregnancy and the beauty of adolescence. You're supposed to send a picture of the best part of adolescence. The point is that being a mom/dad is a really big decision, and it's a decision you should take consciusly, not just because you wanted to have sex. And their advise is to enjoy adolescence...

And here's where I complicate things. Adolescence is actually nice? Is there ANY BEAUTY at all in it? All the physical changes make you embarrassed. You're almost all the time emotionally fucked up. Psychologically, you're trying to find yourself. Lucky Maria who's the most mature 14 year old I've ever met. Personally, my point of view is quite pesimistic. I hated my years of adolescence while I was living them, and for some reason I believe almost every teenager did. Now that I'm older I don't even think about them. I said "older" instead of saying "I've grown up" because I don't think I have grown up. Everyone says inside we're all children, but adults don't even remember their childhood, and they're the ones who say that inside we're all children... This are all just vague ideas, because as I said before I don't think about the time I was "growing up". And it's all really mixed. Adolescence is hell, as far as I know. I don't know about any other teenager. Maybe the Olsen twins' adolescence was better than mine, or worse because of all the attention they got (and still get). Mention any kid celebrity, and still I bet growing up was hell for them. Try mentioning the ones who DIDN'T get in drugs/alcohol or any other substance. Just yesterday there was this girl in Dr. House who was fat and had a baby girl with this guy from school and before that she drank a lot of alcohol, provided by the same asshole. Guess what! All the perfect thin shitty girls gave her mushrooms and she died. The beauty of adolescence. The amazing process of growing up to be your parents less-than-masterpiece, everything they did not hope for when they decided to have you. Spring is starting and so will the suicides. Girls killing themselves all over the globe because they weren't noticed, they wanted to be noticed and they asked help from the wrong people: the perfect thin shitty girls! The greatest example of how to get noticed, plus sucking at school, becoming an addict of some substance, getting depressed and possibly killing yourself eventually because they DIDN'T WANT to help you, they just wanted to make fun of you, and also they lied to you and said they were your "bffs".

Yes. I am pissed off. I hate the fact that this is something that happens, yet adults say it's wonderful. Yes, I am aware that you learn more from bad times than good times. But is it really necessary to make a person have a bad year so you can have good one? Do you really have to overpower the ones who need nothing but being listened?

My case is boring, neither of this happened to me. I have absolutely no child trauma, or adolescence trauma if that matters. And people think it's weird. I did suffer but just because I did it to myself, and I don't mean in a phisical way. I just got really existentialist, but I still am. My humor still changes a lot during the day. I still hate a lot of things I used to hate. I am comfortable with who I am, with how I look, with the things I like or love. I have never been in love, but I am not desperately looking for it either. Sounds romantic and unlike me, but I believe that I'm not meant to look for it, it will find me by itself. I've lost more friends than I've made, but I've kept the few I need and I love them and I'm happy with them. I've realized a lot of things I didn't realize before. I've made up my mind about many things. My opinions about certain things have changed. I read more, I stopped watching TV and going to the church. I stopped doing a lot of things I used to to. I'm more quiet. But I write more than I used to. My taste has changed. Should I go on...?

I would hang a WELCOME TO HELL sing on the adolescence door. We all go through it. Some don't make it. Some do, and become adults. Some don't become adults. There are so many choices and so many shit that the world offers. But that's another subject I will develope some other day.

Personally, I don't think there's any beauty at all in adolescence. But, oh the irony, I'm still going to send a picture to the contest. I've got nothing to lose.

2009-09-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

The Blue Elephant is now up in hitRECord, so you can listen to it. More to come, as soon as I record them (...in my mp3 player).

2009-09-14T19:33:00.001-07:00

2009-09-14T19:00:00.001-07:00

2009-09-12T23:40:00.001-07:00

2009-09-12T22:55:00.001-07:00

thanks, maria.

Just stuff I've found and saved

2009-09-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

2009-09-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

I'm crying for things that I tell others to do without crying.

What I was doing this morning...

2009-09-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

picture taken by my dad (oh, the irony...)

Normal

2009-09-08T17:07:00.000-07:00

Today seems like a normal day, doesn't it? I woke up and it was snowing, which is normal for a winter day in this side of the planet. I woke up and your arms and legs were tangled with mine, which has been normal for the past 2 years or so. We had some coffee, and ate muffins, which isn't as normal as orange juice for breakfast but every now and then we drink coffee and eat muffins, so it was still kinda normal. Then we took the car and drove half an hour to your parents' house, and everyone was there, just like every weekend. We're one big, united in love family, and we get together every weekend in your parents' house, even if it's snowing, so that's pretty normal too. We had a nice big lunch and played some music all together, like we usually do. We watched old videos and laughed our asses off at ourselves. Sunday afternoon we said goodbye and drove half an hour back to our home. We watched a movie, ate dinner, and made love, like we usually do. But we kept whispering to each other's ear that this was a special day. A great day. An amazing night's day. So how does a normal day differ from an amazing one? What is it that turns a normal day into a special, great, amazing one? How can we tell it is either normal or special? Or is it that special has turned into normal? A normal day is just a regular day. But a special day is a normal day until something happens, only it has to be something happy. If you get hit by a car it's not a special day, it's a fucking bad day, even if before it was normal. But when you fall in love, or see somebody you haven't seen in a while, or you hear a particular song, or just remember something that makes you content, or make an amazing discover, then that normal day turns into a special day. So, has love become a normal thing for us? Are we so used to being in love that is not special anymore? Or do we just say it because we're that polite? Have we forgotten those days when we realized we were in love because we've grown up and old? (Have we grown up at all...?) Or, maybe it's none of that, and I'm just being a pessimist bitch. We are in love, and love is special, and whenever I think of you a normal day turns into a special day because of you. Because I thought of you and you make me happy. So normal days do not exist for us anymore. Regular boring days are over. One normal day, something happened to you and me. You were playing with your band and I was there taking pictures. And then it happened. Our eyes met. Our lips crashed. Our hands got intertwined. Our hearts, our minds, our bodies and our souls became one, and we felt complete and special. There has been no such thing as a normal day for us since then. We do things that seem pretty normal to everyone, but they're not normal to us. And that's all we need.

2009-09-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Sugarplum Fairy - She

Quote

2009-09-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

"I read once about a woman whose secret fantasy was to have an affair with an artist. She thought he would really see her. He would see every curve, every line, every indentation and love them because they were part of the beauty that made her unique." - Ben Willis, in Cashback.

What Maria blogged reminded me of this particular quote. If you haven't watched the movie, do it, I promise you won't regret it. Read her blog, you'll see what I mean. I'll explain it though when I get myself together again, Carl just keeps distracting me...

Third rock from the sun.

2009-09-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

Blue lips,
Blue vains,
Blue,
the color of our Planet from far far away.

A whole lot of nothing

2009-09-04T16:51:00.001-07:00

it's amazing how something so little can make such a big change on you. like when you see a shooting star, or read a book, or just smell a really good smell. it's amazing how little things can make you smile and feel whole. but it's sad that I have failed to see them most of the time lately. it hasn't been my day since may, since all this started. I need a change. I need something. big or small, I don't care, I need a change... but then again, have I failed, or am I just ignoring them? am I ignoring them, or they just won't let me see them? is everything supposed to be as it is, and will it continue like this? or will it change? so I can finally take a deep breath and say, I'm okay.

Hi, my name is Dee, and I have existential problems. Will that be a good introduction?

2009-08-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

i think you should see this

and this one too

2009-08-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

On the Brightside

thank you, maria.

2009-08-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

if somebody says "that's impossible"

you should understand it as:
"according to my very limited experience and narrow understanding of reality, that's very unlikely"

List #1

2009-08-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Photography
Film-making
Painting
Psychology
Philosophy

in that order. Yes, I'm so weird I consider photography a serious deal and psychology a hobbie. I like it, but I don't love it. I love photography more than anything else (maybe not more than coffee...).

Coming soon: Gambling Clowns. And I'm not giving any hints at all. Just the name already might give you an idea of what I'm up to... or not.

Also, check this out. I just went throught it and fell in love with it (and its creator...). 100 bonus points to whoever clicks that link and says his name out loud five times fast without any mistakes. And 100 more if you actually watch Criminal Minds.

Ironic, isn't it? I like his character from Criminal Minds, yet I won't study psychology... well, we'll see... nothing's as it should be, so why would I do it anyway. I think I like every psychologist from any series of that kind. And all of them look as nerd as a chipmunk with glasses, make their own webpages and act in a movie directed by Wes Anderson. Okay fine, just one of them, as far as I know. Here's my love letter to this particular little nerd-looking genious. And, I should mention he directed Santa Don't Shoot Me by The Killers and many other videos I haven't watched yet, except for The Life Aquatic Journal (to watch it, click "movies", it's the second one). I used to watch CSI but then there were so many from different states it drove me crazy and I stopped, and eventually ended up loving Criminal Minds. Also because the actor Joe Mantegna starred Baby's Day Out, which I used to watched whenever it was on tv when I was a kid... that movie couldn't be any cuter.

I'm hosting a festival at my school tomorrow. And this well-known chilean musician will be there. It's weird, I used to host festivals when I was younger all the time at school. Now I'm nervous. But hey, my classmate will be hosting with me, and he's in the acting area. Remember it's an artistic school and we have three different areas: theatre, music and visual arts. I'm in visual arts, he's in theatre. We're gonna make a great couple, even though our jokes are really bad. I'll avoid to say any of them.

And I'm wearing a dress, which is a consolation. I like wearing dresses.

Good night. Buenas noches. Boa noite. Bon nuit. Buona notte. God nacht. God natt. I just said good night in 7 different languages while singing Choke by The Cardigans.

Lucky Three

2009-08-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

once again, by jem cohen.

Jem Cohen

2009-08-24T15:57:00.001-07:00

free.

autonomus.

allowed.

cut loose.

permitted.

at liberty.

unrestricted.

2009-08-22T18:37:00.002-07:00

I keep trying to change the colors of this thing but then I just put everything back to the way it was... I'm not good at doing it apparently.

internet is failing me already. therefore I'm outta here, probably to read, or listen music, or do nothing.

good night.

Talk Show Host - Radiohead

2009-08-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sick

2009-08-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

but not as in "ill"... I mean, as in "tired of it".

Finally!

2009-08-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

I just realized my friend Kris uploaded The Kooks video I shot at the concert! This is Stormy Weather and Sofa Song, featuring Luke Pritchard almost killing us.

5.40 pm

2009-08-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

I was going to change the title of the blog but when I opened blogspot I realized I forgot what I was going to write. Yeah, FUCK... my memory has been failing me lately. I need a new one.

It's been raining since saturday night. It stopped yesterday but it started again last night. And this morning when I woke up I felt like I was about to die, and therefore didn't go to school. Yes, I SKIPPED CLASS TODAY even though I had a math test. Fuck the math test. My stomach was killing me this morning. Now it's not that bad.

I've been drawing a lot lately. Mostly simple dresses, but I still have to put some color and details. For that I need time, and I lack of it. Last year I had a lot of it in my hands, now it just slips away. I only wish the next four years happen that fast, if things will continue as they are.

Have you ever considered that your whole life you've been doing nothing but pleasing everyone else? Saying yes to this and that and smiling. Without a comeback, without stopping to think: why. I have, and I hate it.

Good bye.

Honesty is a lonely word.

2009-08-14T23:49:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered how can people say "I love you", "no, I love you more", if there isn't really a way to measure love. I could tell you that I love you from here to pluto and back again twice, or I could tell you that love you more than caffeine, or I could tell you that I love you more than Post-It...

but it's too subjective.

a person can think maybe pluto is not that far enough,
or might even hate caffeine,
or don't use Post-It.

Just for the record...

2009-08-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

... you forgot the accent in the e in his last name.

Reblogged from My Crazy Friend's Tumblr.

I love you.

update (before my right hand goes numb)

2009-08-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

sunday
august 9th
0.55 am
listening to sugarplum fairy's first round first minute:

today i baked.

baking. i could make a living out of it.

but i also could make a living out of taking photographs.

i like both ideas... and yes, i'm just as random as i could get, and when you thought i couldn't get anymore random, i did.

good night. god natt. buenas nochas. boa noite. and my french is not that good.

2009-08-01T18:35:00.000-07:00

i've been listening to mando diao for the past four hours or so. while sitting on this chair in front of the computer screen. while watching pictures. while tweeting a shit or two. while watching pictures. while listening to mando diao. if there's one thing i can't stop doing is watching pictures. yes, i can stop listening to mando diao, or to any music, if i need to. but i can't stop watching pictures. i can't stop seeing everything through a camera lens. i can't stop thinking "that'd be nice for a character". this morning i woke up at 8.30 am and i had the best idea to finish the story about sean and his surgeon suit. i could stop eating. i could stop drinking coffee (not really). i could stop doing many things. but i couldn't stop watching pictures. and even if i could, i wouldn't. hell no. fuck no. shit no. i can not stop doing it. even if i dislike something about it, or the whole. when i walk down the street or take the subway or when i'm at school with my friends and classmates or when i go out with kris or fer, i see everything through a camera lens. my head is the camera and my eres are the lens. go ahead, tell me i'm wrong. tell me i won't succeed. tell me you'll say you told me so. i don't care. i don't give a fuck about it. believing is seeing. i believe in myself. i see myself. you don't believe in me. you don't see me. you think you do, but thinking and believing is not the same. neither is feeling. when i take a picture, i feel. and you can't take that away from me. so fuck you, i'm on my own this time. or maybe i've always been on my own. it just makes it harder, but if it was easier, maybe in the end i wouldn't be so happy with the result. i don't like it as it is, but it's like that and i take it. i accept it. and fyi, i am the one who's giving in, even though i said i was afraid of doing it because it was what i was afraid of becoming. my biggest fear is giving in, and i'm doing it. so fuck you.

How To Disappear Completely

2009-07-22T23:32:00.001-07:00

That there, that's not me. I go where I please. I walk through walls, I float down the Liffey. I'm not here, this isn't happening. I'm not here, I'm not here. In a little while, I'll be gone. The moment's already passed, yeah it's gone. And I'm not here, this isn't happening ... I'm not here ... I'm not here ...

Strobe lights and blown speakers. Fireworks and hurricanes. I'm not here, this isn't happening ... I'm not here ... I'm not here ...

Sean (pt. 3)

2009-07-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

A week before meeting Sean, I was considering suicide as a way out. I hated the career I was studying, and my classmates. I hated my apartment, and my neighbours. I hated who I was, everything from my hair to my toes, and whatever was inside as well. I officialy didn't like me anymore to the point that looking at myself in the mirror was disgusting. Before all that, I thought suicidals were either too brave or too coward. Too brave, because even a second before your attempt you still feel the slightest bit of regret, of wanting to continue living, and getting through with it might be, in that case, an act of bravery. Or too coward, to go on and face trouble, to fix what was wrong, to have a life of your own. I was a coward. I was bored of everything, and I started getting bored of myself. This was my dream, I kept telling myself. Living in my own apartment, doing what I was good for. I never complained. I never said anything either when I was just starting. This was my dream... so what happened? What changed? What went wrong?. The day before I met Sean, I told myself to get done with it, and then I went to sleep. When I woke up, the birds were singing, and it was a beautiful spring day. Everything looked extra colorful, as if God was telling me "this is what you are going to miss", and maybe laughing at me. The Vanilla Latte I had that morning, the phone call from my friend Claudia, even everyone at class, they were all being nice. As if God was once again telling me "this is what you are going to miss...", pointing down at me. Every sip I had of my coffee I enjoyed. And at the end of the day, when it was already over, I met Sean on my way home. Call it fate, God's will, an angel, destiny, a messenger from Satan, Buddha's power, Kurt Cobain resurrected, or the spirit of Jimi Hendrix or John Lennon in another body. Call it karma, if you want to. Call it whatever the fuck you want to call it. He's just Sean, and I fell in love with him that day, and all my plans were interrupted.

Stranger Than Fiction

2009-07-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

just for the record, this isn't part of Sean's story.

I just felt like saying that I love the smell of rain, as much as I love photography, music and caffeine, in no particular order.

I am mad because The Killers' tickets are way too fucking expensive, so I might not be going.

I am loving the Stranger Than Fiction OST, cool movie and cool music. My favorite OSTs are usually from Tarantino's movies, or Danny Elfman's scores. This one is really good.

It might snow tomorrow. I hope it does!! I love snow and it hardly snows here. I want a white christmas and instead all I get is summer, and all that it comes with it.

This day I've had two cups of coffee to keep myself warm, and I'm sitting close to the stove.

I wanna go to Stockholm.

Mando Diao - Motown Blood

2009-07-21T12:02:00.001-07:00

Sean (pt. 2)

2009-07-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

The story behind his surgeon suit starts a year ago or so. His parents went to a costume party and his dad bought the surgeon suit for himself. His mom was dressed as a nurse. If her intention was to look sexy, she didn't nail it. If his intention was to try to make things better, he didn't nail it. They just went to the party, had a few drinks, and drove back home earlier than they planned. Nothing that day had gone according to plan, and it wasn't about to get different at night. Maybe when they were younger they really loved each other. But Sean's mom's dream was always to marry a TV god. She didn't need love, she needed money. Enough to make her feel loved and beautiful. But instead, as always happens, she fell in love with Sean's dad, whose parents owned and island (but its ownership didn't pass on to him, as she had thought). They had a wedding as beautiful as it could've been a wedding by the beach, and under that sunset they swore eternal love to each other. Until death do them part. But whether they meant physical death, like death death, or just death in life, or death of love, they never knew. Their love died, but they didn't, and Sean was born a few years later. A baby is supposed to make things better, and that is how the story went for a few years since his birth, until his first day of school.

I've always known

2009-07-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

You Are an Alien

You're so strange, people occasionally wonder if you're from another world.

You don't try to be different, but you see most things from a very unique, very offbeat perspective.

Brilliant to the point of genius, you definitely have some advanced intelligence going on.

No matter what circles you travel in, you always feel like a stranger. And it's a feeling you've learned to like.

Your greatest power: Your superhuman brain

Your greatest weakness: Your lack of empathy - you just don't get humans

You play well with: Zombies

What Kind of Monster Are You?

shit, this things are fun to do when you're bored... ok here comes another one.

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive.

You understand people better than they would like to be understood.

Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details.

You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on!

Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done

Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

What Should Your Superpower Be?

Sean

2009-07-18T18:01:00.000-07:00

This is a story about a boy named Sean, and his surgeon suit. Except he wasn't a surgeon. He was just schizophrenic. I met him about five years ago while I was walking to my apartment after class. He was walking in the same direction but a few steps further from me. When you look at him you see a pair of deep blue eyes, dark long shaggy hair, a nose that looks perfect on his face right above his thin lips. When you look at him you see a cool kid, and you imagine him to be wanted by all the girls from school, but he's not the asshole one, he's just a cool kid, a good loyal friend. He's the bass player from that band right across the street. He's the guy who's loved one girl all his life. All the good things you can imagine a good guy can be, have, say, think, feel, believe, know. He is all of that. Or at least, that's what you think he is when you see him walking down the street. He caught my eye, even though I only saw his back. He did, and it wasn't that hard either. He is, after all, quite good looking. But all of that gets lost. It doesn't matter. Because he's a schizophrenic, he's mentally ill, takes prescribed medication, and every now and then, he is hospitalized, cause his parents don't know what to do with him. His mom and dad, his family, don't know what to do with him. They don't know how to deal with him. Everytime he gets a little weird his mom starts yelling at him and she only makes things worse. Whenver his dad is home, he tries his best to avoid him, and to avoid his wife, so he's almost never home. Sean has a permission from the hospital to go out by himself and walk for a while. One day when he was walking, I met him. He was holding a flower in his left hand. He saw my reflection on a window and slowed down his steps. I stared at him while he was doing this, while I was walking. He turned around, and I fell in love. If you are aware of the existence of anything more beautiful than that, please raise your hand. In slow motion I saw his arm reaching out to me, his hand showing me the flower, his lips forming the most lovely smile I've ever seen, his eyes as blue as the ocean I have always loved. He didn't introduce himself, he didn't ask me out, he didn't ask my name. He just gave me the flower and stared right into my eyes. And that's all it took him to make me love him.

(haven't finished this one yet)

Handmade

2009-07-15T15:14:00.000-07:00

just finished it :)

in case you don't know the band, I recommend you watch Long Before Rock N' Roll and Motown Blood.

I might be wrong

2009-07-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

Still, I'm not gonna ask you to stay. I'll just say, go on. Get out of here. Instead of begging you to stay at least one more night with me, I'll just say you're letting your life pass you by. Would I want that for you? Hell no. I just can't say this words to you, staring into your eyes. But then again, would it make any difference? We always wrote letters to each other anyway. We never learned to say things directly to each other's face. We never spat our shit out. We never yelled at each other. We just read ourselves. I still have your first letter, you know? When you asked me out. It's not even a legal piece of paper, it's a napkin. Just a napkin. From you to me, with a "friday night, coffee and cigarettes in my rooftop" written on it with a red magic marker. It's a good memory. So maybe when I grow up I'll show it to my kids and tell them the story behind it. But even with that being said, I'm still not gonna ask you to stay. This last week I've been up every single night. Either my insomnia's coming back or something. It's not the caffeine, cause it's never had that effect on me (lucky me). I have this sixth sense that tells me something will happen. I think it's that. And for the past seven nights I've been putting some thoughts together. And it happened. You didn't even need to tell me, I already knew. I warned you in the first letter I wrote you: I'm a witch. A bitch too, sometimes, but mostly just a witch. I have superpowers without the need of a wand. But I'm also human (not that witches aren't really humans), so I make mistakes, so I might be wrong. Although I wish I am not. Besides, as you're reading this, you're on a train, which means I was not wrong. Which also means I kept my promise. You're on your way to Nomansland, probably. Since you never told me where you were going I just assumed it, because that's where you truly belong. Home is where your heart is, they say, and that's where your heart is, it was never with me. So I was not your home. And now I realize I was right when I sang Nowhere Man to you. But see? I still kept my promise. The one I wrote on your chest with a blue eyeliner the day after we first made love. Look out the window. You don't see my reflection on it, not even if you could imagine it. Which wouldn't be a hard thing for you, since you're the one who invented all those amazing places where you used to take me to all the time. And you wrote them down for me and put all the pages in a folder and put it under my pillow before you left. And I loved it. And I thank you for it. But still, even if I'm still in love with you or you're still in love with me, go on. Live your life. Have it your way. Hell, I'll even yell "fuck off" at you if you need me to. If you want me to.

Write me back only if you think you kept your promise. If not, then don't do it at all.

This Is Even Better

2009-07-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

So, my friend Maria Zahir made a video for my birthday with a Mando Diao song on it, which by the way is one of my favorites. I just woke up like an hour ago... lie, I woke up like at 8am. And last nite I went to bed at 2am. So I slept my usual 4-6 hours. I didn't finish watching Watchmen, my cousins were here and we had some beers, which were supposed to be for today actually, but now I have to go get some more, and more food. My friends said happy birthday to me via messenger and twitter and I loved it :) And now I just saw the video she sent me. Here it is so you can all watch it.

This is even better than a gift by the way, Maria.

And the song is called The Wildfire, in case you liked it.

More later!

Tell Me You're Coming Back To Me

2009-07-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

I miss writing. Haven't done it in a while, don't know why. Haven't been able to, either. I have this story I'm trying to work on but can't.

There is something wrong with me. And I've told myself, it's not me. Not because I'm blaming somebody else, (and I have to stop doing that) but because that's what I thought. And once again, I was wrong. There is something wrong with me.

My friend asked me to stop getting so dark. He said my eyes are too beautiful to the kind of person I was probably becoming. He asked me to change. To start by the way I dress, by wearing more colors. More like, by wearing colors, since black is not one.

Last nite (she said, oh baby I feel so down...) I was watching The Devil Wears Prada, and although I kept laughing at it I realized I was a little bit like Anne Hathaway's character. Maybe not so little. But anyway, this made me think more, cause I was already thinking what my friend had told me. And since my birthday is coming in two days I'm gonna ask for some clothes, but first I'll go through the ones I already have, put the ones I don't use aside and sell them, or do something with them. This is also because I need some order in my closet.

Also, I want to dye my hair blue. Or purple, I'm still thinking. I wanted green but it's what's hot in my school, including one of my classmates (and he looks great by the way). And red, I'm not sure if I should consider it.

taken probably almost 18 years ago, if not a bit less.

2009-06-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

yes I love Incubus.

Getting old ...

2009-06-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

to Maria, with love

2009-06-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

happy birthday my love

2009-06-27T20:06:00.000-07:00

next week is my 18th birthday.
july 4th
i will be officialy ... not-underage anymore (how do you say it?)

oh yes, listen to the new regina spektor album, it's amazing. i'm lovin it!

and what else... since i haven't blogged in a while... well, if i think of anything else i'll come back.

:)

Regina Spektor - Laughing With

2009-06-22T17:11:00.001-07:00

George Harrison - Got My Mind Set On You

2009-06-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

I find it fun to say "this song is from when I was a kid!" knowing that it's actually from when my dad was really young. Still, is part of my childhood.

Which reminds me of this saturday, we were waiting to go into the theatre to see The Kooks, and this guy came up to us and asked something, he had a Yellow Submarine pin and I didn't even let him finished, cause I said really excited "look! a Yellow Submarine pin!" and me and my friend started singing it. He laughed and then I answered his question. Then gave me a thumb up and walked away. I love this kind of encounters with Beatlemaniacs.

Enjoy!

2009-06-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring
There's nobody to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter, cuz you'll know that you're right.

woke up this morning and the sky looked like this

2009-06-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

Shine On

2009-06-15T18:33:00.000-07:00

these are the ones I have so far. until I get the rest, here's the story...

SO, it's finally thursday and Kristel and I met for lunch then went to the tv channel. they told us the kooks won't be playing there that day, but friday, cause apparently luke got sick or something like that. we were like... shit, that's depressing. so we looked at each other like, what now? we walked all the way to the hotel sheraton, and this two girls (lore and fran) were already there. we thought, they're probably here. they thought, shit, no more people please. we stayed with them and talked for a while, they turned out to be really really nice girls. some minutes later the guys came out dressed like tennis players. of course they were going to play tennis. we just asked for pictures and autographs and let them go. i said, have fun! and they were all incredibly nice to us. paul's smile is the most beautiful smile on the world. then they came back like an hour later and we talked again for a while. i told paul, your smile is so beautiful, besides you're the only one that smiles, you should tell the others to smile! so he yelled: luke, smile!. and laughed. what a sweetheart. luke's all serious but you look (no pun intended) into his eyes and you notice he might be serious but he's actually very nice, once you get a little familiar with him. he kept saying "hey love", and we kept melting. their accent... ohdeargod that accent. it's delicious. the one with hugh doesn't look good though, but i still love it. anyway. they went inside and we were all happy, except i didn't have hugh's autograph on my pencil case. i had pete's luke's and paul's but not hugh's. still i was really happy. i had that smile when people think you're in love. friday kristel and i got together again, walked to the tv channel and had some trouble to go into the studio cause it was full of people. thanks to her angry side (which i did not know) we got to go inside and we saw them at that fucking tv show, which i've never even seen before. after the show we went to the hotel. got there like at 7.30 pm. the bellhop man, who was really nice (named wilfredo, amazing name by the way), greeted us and said i know they're going out at 8 pm. we thanked him and got happy again. they came out and finally i talked with hugh for a while and asked him for an autograph on my pencil case. he was on the van waiting for the rest to get in, so we got to talk just the two of us for some minutes. then pete came in and tried to scare me or something, by suddenly getting his head out of the window and yelling WAH!! i laughed and said, hey man what's up!! he smiled at me. then luke came in and said again hey love. i melted and said hey luke! nice to see you again. then paul came in and they took off. kristel and i were hungry so we went to a doggi's and ordered some french fries. i had sprite, she had quatro. we were both really smiley and happy. then she told me, let's walk all the way to manuel montt (a metro station), there is a bar there where bands always go to eat, they might be there. i said, yeah sure. although my legs were killing me. but we walked. we were walking and suddenly i stopped and said, kris, they're there. luke and pete were outside smoking and taking pictures with this two girls. we walked up to them and said hey again guys! they were like, oh hey! they came up to us (and the girls kinda dissappeared), and hugh was just coming outside, and kristel didn't have his autograph so she went to ask him to sign her cds. we told luke, we already have autographs and pictures with you guys, this is like the fourth time we've met. so he said, well then let's just talk. so he asked, what are you guys doing? school or something? i said i'm still in school, this is my last year, she's in college, studying music. he asked her, oh so you're a musician? she said, no i'm studying to produce some bands. i thought musical production but didn't actually verbalize it. luke kept telling us he was a bit drunk, and he was actually really close to me, so i kinda put my hand on his arm and pushed him just a little away, but still being nice. he told me he was amazed that we were being so nice to them, as in going to the hotel to meet them and asking for pictures and autographs and even running into them outside and just staying for a while to talk with them. cause it was the first time they were in southamerica, and it was amazing for them that the fans were being so great. i told him, it's as amazing as it for us, the fact that you actually care about us, cause some bands are like "oh yeah the fans whatever". they were being really nice to us as well. so we kinda thanked each other for a while and laughed. he was drinking wine so i asked him, so you're drinking chilean wine? i can't believe you didn't try it before cause we export wine everywhere. he said, yeah it's really good. and handed me his glass. i accepted it and had a sip. it was really good. i told him, it's really good. after that i don't remember what we talked about, but he said maybe you didn't recognize me, cause i cut my hair. i laughed so hard at this and told him, it's a very good haircut actually. he had a sip of wine and drooled (it looked quite sexy), muttered embarrassing and cleaned his mouth with his hand. i said but don't do it with your hand! and then he cleaned his hand on his shirt. i said but not on your shirt! he asked me if i had a napkin. then he said, no no no no, do you have a SERVILLET? which is like the spanglish version of napkin. i laughed and took out a napkin to clean his hand. after cleaning it he said oh thank you and smiled, pete said that's nice, and smiled. on thursday when we met paul i told him it had been kristel's birthday some days ago (june 8th). he said happy birthday to her, a kiss and a hug. and apparently told the guys cause luke asked me, are you the birthday girl? i laughed and said, no it's her. then happy birthday a kiss and a hug from luke, pete and hugh. somebody, i don't remember who, asked, how old are you. she said i'm 19. then that same somebody said, well, welcome to ... welcome to being nineteen. then i talked with luke a bit and asked him to play longer, cause they said they'd play like an hour and a half. he asked me which song i wanted to hear, i said all of them, but especially shine on, and if you remember to dedicate it to dee (that's me!) i'll appreciate it very much. he said, ok i'll try to remember. then they had to go back inside, and i stole a hug and a kiss from him. he kissed me (on the cheek, of course) too and we said our goodbyes. saturday, we waved to pete cause we were right in front of him and he recognized us. the only time in the whole show he smiled was when kristel and i waved at him. the show was amazing. except we almost die under luke when he decided to come sing to "our" side, but it was still fun. there are videos also of that but i'll have them when i will, so until then, i'll just have the story and what i remember of it. there are two pictures with paul because one is from when they were leaving to play tennis and the other one is from when they came back, and kristel and i talked with him for a while. another thing i remember is that somebody was whistling, and we answered whistling and that somebody answered too. then i found out it was luke, cause i asked pete and he said luke's always whistling. i asked luke were you whistling? he laughed and said i don't know and started whistling. i laughed and said, yeah it was you, we were answering. and they played shine on, but luke didn't remember to dedicate it to dee. but they still played it!

2009-06-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

More by Mark Osborne

2009-06-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

introducing Valparaiso (or: yes I love b/w pictures)

2009-06-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie

2009-06-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

a little gift :)

2009-05-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

i'm a fucking pirate :)

i just downloaded the whole the doors discography.

don't ask why i didn't have it before.

(if you still wanna know the answer though, here you have it: my dad- he doesn't like them... and i've got no idea how to explain that. but it's his fault anyway)

Spice Up Your Life

2009-04-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

Slam it to the left! if you're having a good time... etc etc etc. Yes, I am listening to the Spice Girls. They're a classic! If you didn't dance to them when you were a kid then you weren't a kid. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

So I felt like blogging, therefore here I am, in front of this computer... blogging, of course.

I also feel quite irresponsible. It's been almost a month since the last time I blogged. I didn't even write about the show and the acoustic TAI... show. Sorry about that! I'll just say this: I thought they were taller. I'm glad they aren't giants anyway. And, Christine (William's girlfriend) is beautiful.

However, I will talk about something I've been thinking lately:

I wish people could describe their loved ones by the things they like about them. (So if they don't like somebody they just don't describe him/her, I guess). Instead of saying "my friend looks like Fiona Apple", I'd say, "my friend gets obssessed with some bands and she makes me get obssessed as well, the only junk food she eats is french fries, she loves books and Tim Burton movies, she listens and I know I can talk nonsense with her..." well, that's just her language anyway. See? I know those look like her characteristics, and they are, but they're also things I like about her. I think this way, people would actually think good things about other people they don't know but will know maybe some day.

This theory is not so developed yet. As soon as I think more about it I'll blog it.

'til then... !

I'm fucking sick.

2009-03-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry I hadn't blogged in some time.

However, I will not do it in some more time... maybe 'til this weekend.

I will never let him know

2009-03-11T14:46:00.000-07:00

A week and three days have passed in this new (artistic) school. It's been odd and fun so far. I certainly expect this year to be better than the past eleven, but that's only up to me. I'll make it the best. Today I realized one thing, while we were in class. This school is divided in three arts: musical, visual and escenic. In the morning, classes are divided in years (freshman, sophomore, junior, senior, etc) and after lunch classes are divided by area (art). In each area, there are three different levels: level I or basic, level II or medium and level III or super. At least that's how I like to call them. Anyway, my little visual arts-senior group got together after lunch and we talked for a while. One of them is a boy. He was sitting next to me. He was saying something and I listened to him really carefully, and just then it hit me: I knew his voice. I knew him from somewhere else. Or I'd known him in my past life, whatever. Then when in the subway on my way home, I realized I was wrong: I did not know him, he just looks like somebody I knew a really long time ago. When I was like 9 I liked this kid from church. He was really sweet and a total goodie. I hadn't seen him since we started going to another church, so I didn't really have any news from him (or his family) in like 6 or 7 years. When I saw him again, I felt a little disappointed. I called myself stupid for liking him once, but then I forgived myself because I was only 9. We grow up, and we don't turn out to be what we said we would. It's okay to change. But it was shocking for me, considering I was only a kid when I liked him, and I've known him since I'm like 6. Almost 12 years. I remember a few months ago my dad told me this kid had become alcoholic and drug addict. This news made me really sad. But I ignore why he became such an asshole. Anyways, the boy from school... he is what I expected the other boy to be, and at the same time, he isn't. The resemblance amazes and frightens me. But I won't let it go further than this, I'll just enjoy my classmate's presence and art, since he's actually a great friend and even a greater artist.

Gotta go, eat something and draw some more trees.

Happy Woman's Day

2009-03-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

So... I really don't have anything at all to tell. Other than "Happy Woman's Day", that's probably everything I'll blog today. Who knows...

Two words: Ella Fitzgerald.

2009-03-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

Day Four/Hint

2009-03-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

art classes officialy start next week. I'm nervous for that... but being nervous is good. Or so I've heard. I'm also excited, it's OFFICIAL that The Academy Is... is FINALLY coming to Chile. I wasn't so excited when I heard the rumor, but now that it's official, I am. I do hope Pete Wentz doesn't come with them... I'd rather see Nick Scimeca or anyone else than him, but since they're BFF it's expectable that he might come. But I still hope he doesn't. Anyway, march 27th, I'll be there with my own BFF.

- Have you heard Edith Piaf?
- Yes, my mom used to listen to her when I was little...
- I like her. I remember my sister singing Bravo Pour Le Clown to make fun of me.
- Because of them?
- Yes...
- What are they doing now?
Peter looks back.
- Nothing. They're frozen. They freeze when you're here.
- They probably don't like me -jokes Danielle.
- If that is the reason, then I would like it if you could come more often.
- I'll try, after school.
- I seem to be myself when you're here... I feel like myself, like Peter, when you're here...
Her eyes shine.
- Why?- she asks softly.
Peter looks at her quietly for a few seconds, before replying in a whisper:
- You... are my angel.

2009-03-03T13:23:00.000-08:00

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

I should definitely thank The Beatles for this one. They've given me the greatest idea thanks to this song. You'll hear it when you see the credits at the end. Also, Jamie Cullum, I owe you one too. I love his cover of Blame It On My Youth. It's also one of the many songs that have inspired me to... I won't tell you! it's a secret. But it inspired me anyway. I won't forget to mention Edith Piaf, Cab Calloway, Nat King Cole, Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. So many names! This almost feels like an Oscar speech. Maria, I promise I'd name you in this speech if I ever get to say it. I think you're the only one who knows (so far) what I speak of. Everyone else is just loving the mistery of it (I hope). BUT! I won't tell you, I'll probably just post hints here every once in a while. It's one of the things that's been keeping me busy, besides school and gym. I'm also going to start learning french in the Chilean-French Institue, and that's also going to keep me more busy. But, that won't keep me away from my blog and my blogger-friends.

IN OTHER NEWS! The new school isn't as bad as I was told. Apparently people like to talk shit about things they don't know. I still don't see the point on that, but what the heck. But I can't either complain or be amazed by it, since I've only been there two days. But, hey, at least we don't have to wear uniforms, which is exciting for a person who'd had to wore them for eleven years.

It rained this saturday. And today it feels like if it was june (southamericanly speaking, of course), it's cold and grey outside. It's a perfect day to eat ice-cream! But I had two cups of coffee instead. Delicious mocca. I take it black. I love black colombian coffee. How do you take it? Or do you prefer tea?

Here's one thing I've been thinking about today: Should there be a reason to love somebody? If you're in love, why do you love that person? I mean, yes, your answer (and maybe most answers) will/might be, because he/she is cute/funny/perfect/anything. But, can you love somebody just because you do? I can't answer this question because at the moment I find myself to be alone and not in love. But if somebody says "I don't know why I love him/her, I just do", wouldn't that reflect the mistery of love itself? at least I like to see it like that... tell me what you think, if you happen to be in love. If not, tell me anyway.

Bye-bye!

Nobody says the B word!

2009-02-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

this is our last dance

2009-02-24T12:44:00.001-08:00

Fifty first things

2009-02-23T18:10:00.000-08:00

My friend Maria Zahir did a video once of fifty things about her. But she made 25 things she loves and 25 things she hates. I'm gonna copy her, just because the entry I was supposed to post saturday night is not finished. So, here I come!

25 things I love
1.- I love photography, and as I have come to understand, it's in the blood! almost everyone in my family loves photography, since I have pictures that my grandfather took in 1948, and it's a little exciting fun fact about this family that I ignored. Until a few months ago, of course.
2.- I love music, and always have. I remember humming Yellow Submarine being a little girl, and dancing to Seaside Rendezvous (by Queen).
3.- I love coffee.
4.- I love this cup I'm drinking tea in, it has a Marilyn Monroe drawing and it says "coffee is a girl's best friend", and it is larger than most cups.
5.- I love my bedroom. Well, not love it really, but I do like it very much, it's my little world.
6.- I love the smell of rain (or wet dirt).
7.- I love Fight Club.
8.- I love thinking. It requires time and dedication, and I have both! probably (way) more time than dedication, but when I do it, I dedicate myself to it with passion as if I were writing. Thinking helps, and doesn't sometimes, it confuses you, but at the end you realize it's worth doing it.
9.- I love Tim Burton, and my dad loves to blame him for my love for pretty-odd (no pun intended) things.
10.- I love looking at old pictures and remembering when/why they were taken.
11.- I love my friends Dani and Kris, I don't think I'd be who I am right now if it wasn't for them. Certainly, I'd most likely be like anyone else, but they kept me safe from those normal boring ass people and made me realize a lot of things. I love them for a lot of things.
12.- I fucking love the Foo Fighters!!! They're probably one of those bands I'd kill to see. And those are just two, the other one being Incubus, and I didn't have to kill to see them. I only paid a really low price, and now I feel like I stole from them. Weird huh?
13.- I love orange juice.
14.- I love writing. Currently, I find myself stuck in writing this little thing, but inspiration found me once again and I'm dedicating time to write this other little thing, which is going good!
15.- I love unusual answers. For instance, a normal conversation would be like this:
- hey, do you have the time?
- it's 3:30 pm.
- oh, thanks!
An unusual conversation, which I constantly have with my friend Kris, would be like this:
- hey, do you have the time?
- what? how can you ask me that? I do not have the time! I do not own it! and if I did own it, I'd use it to sleep, which is something I hardly do...
- mm... good point...
See? I love that. I love unusual answers. Here's another example:
- hey, you already decided what you want to study?
- I'm going to med school.
What a boring and normal answer!
- hey, you already decided what you want to study?
- well, I wanted to be an astronaut, but then I realized I'm short-sighted, so I can't. And then I wanted to be like Evel Knievel but I realized he's not a really good example... so I'm gonna buy a harmonica and study it.
SEE?! HOW AWESOME IS THAT! I also love writing letters! Anybody want a pen-pal?
16.- I love how this answers might freak some (read: most) people out, because they are so used to normality, when somebody is "not normal" is weird, and unfortunately, there aren't so many people not normal in the world. But lucky me! I know at least three of them! and they're all my friends!
17.- I love knowing that I can change my life, and I love knowing that I will, no matter what.
18.- I love talking, when it is worth doing it with somebody who is worth talking with.
19.- I love when I meet new people, sometimes I make up stories and I tell them instead of giving them true facts about me. Most of the time, they don't ever talk to me again, but hey, that's the point.
20.- I love being called Dee.
21.- I love surprises, and little details.
22.- I love guessing.
23.- I love playing 20 Questions, and I can for sure beat Mike Carden at it.
24.- I love marathons.
25.- I love monsters!!!
26.- I love quoting movies. And I love it more when people get the quote and recognize the movie.
27.- I love my nerd friends.

25 things I hate
1.- I hate that this list is only of "25 things", because I am sure there are way more than 25.
2.- I hate my sister's bedroom, and how she tried to copy mine by putting things on the walls and writing stuff on them, with a really bad spelling.
3.- I hate this desktop computer I'm using, but we're getting the notebook back tomorrow! and that's not even worth counting, so it doesn't count!
3.- I hate when people let me down, I hate letting down people and I hate letting myself down.
4.- I hate when people (mostly my sister, but I hate it from everyone) take my stuff without asking first, even if it is the tiniest thing. It is mine.
5.- I hate when my brother, my mom and my sister close themselves in this little shell of ignorance and stupidity. Let me make this clear: they all walk away from problems, instead of facing them and talking. This is something I hate about everybody, but I do it because it reminds me of them, and having bad memories about your own family must not be a good thing. Just the other day, my brother did something to my sister and she yelled at him. When she yells, she makes this really high voice and it's annoying (a friend of mine who is a musician said he might never come back to my house because of that). Anyway, I politely (as I have been with her since she came back from that christian camp where they turned her into a fake saint but I seem to be the only one who notices it since everyone else thinks she is enlightened) asked her to please stop yelling, and instead calm down and tell him to please don't bother her. She squealed "I can't help it! I can't not yell!". Me: of course you can, because you yell, and therefore you can stop yourself from doing it. "No! I can't!" and she did that thing with her head like a little paranoic shake, which I also hate from her, my brother and my mom, and therefore from everyone else who does it, cause it reminds me of them, as I said. My dad and I don't behave like this. We're safe!
6.- I hate politicians, and people who blindly and naively buy their shit and think they're God. They're thieves, yet some cannot see that.
7.- I hate not remembering things. They keep me awake all night until I put my finger on it, but it's too late.
8.- I hate some of the memories I have.
9.- I HATE HOLIDAYS. there, said it! No, okay, not all of them, only the religious ones.
10.- I hate clichés
11.- I hate this country I live in. I am the most non-patriotic chilean person alive. To make it worse, I am sick of it.
12.- I HATE SCHOOL.
13.- I hate big hits. At least the ones from this time. (big 80s-90s hits are great)
14.- I HATE TYPICAL LOVE MOVIES. Which are most of the time the kind my brother loves, but I still watch them, so when somebody asks me if I watched a certain romantic movie, I say "Yes. I hated it". Person: then why did you watch it?. Me: so I can tell you I hated it, and have a ground.
15.- I hate being bored.
16.- I hate when things some things don't work out. But then again, if they didn't, there must be a good reason ever for that.
17.- I hate fake saints and posers.
18.- I hate Disney Channel Princes/Princesses (sorry Kris, I know you like them, but you know I don't) and anything that has to do with them.
19.- I hate being the good child, but I'm turning that around on my favor. That sounds weird! Hahaha. Well, I meant, I hate when my parents used me as an example, but they can't anymore. I turned out to be everything they didn't want me to. But they just gotta learn to deal with it.
20.- I HATE TYPICAL LOVE SONGS. They're probably the most disgusting thing that has ever been written. And to make it worse, everyone else loves them. Obviously this people don't know The Carpenters, or Barbra Streisand, or Admiration by Incubus (or any other Incubus love song if that matters. I recommend to listen to Stellar, Echo, Here In My Room, Southern Girl, Monuments And Melodies, Summer Romance).
21.- I hate when my mp3 player (no, I do not have an ipod) runs out of battery. Especially if I'm at school.
22.- I hate having to wake up early.
23.- I hate when some people, after you've explained something to them, they're like "so?". Either they don't get it, or they don't get it. I also hate when I'm explaining things that are not that complex to my brother or my sister and they ignore me. I have been avoiding that a lot lately, it's a fucking waste of time.
24.- I hate having to do things. And I hate it even more if I'm doing it for a mark, and I hate it even more if I have to lie and step on myself to achieve that.
25.- I hate me sometimes. But I wouldn't change who I am for anything in this world. Just the other day my dad told me (perhaps a few years too late) that they could've paid a private school instead of sending me to a public one, and I started thinking... if that would've happened, I'd be just like anybody else, and I'd hate myself for that. So I might wake up one day hating me, but then again, I wouldn't change it.
26.- I hate that Dig by Incubus, being the most amazingly different and beautiful song I have heard from them, brings me really painful memories. And I hate avoiding listening to it.
27.- I hate watching making-of's of some movies. For instance, I'd hate to know how Anthony Hopkins and Gaspard Ulliel did all those killings and eatings. I rather die of curiosity first.
28.- I hate Matrix. However, I enjoy the idea of a holographic world. But the movies suck. It's the movies, just that.
29.- I hate Brad Pitt. Even if he's the answer to any question that doesn't even have something to do with him, and even if my family (especially my dad) thinks he might be God, and even if he's perfect for any role he's played (I haven't watched Thelma & Louis though) and even if no other actor could've played Tyler Durden as great as he did, I still hate him. Yes, I see the contradiction. I hate him but I give him credits for being a good actor. I constantly do that, and I learned to deal with it.
30.- I hate when people say that my mom or my dad are cool. And some people don't understand why I don't see them like that. My only answer to that is: "you don't live with them".

See how I didn't do 25 of the things I hate? I could go on and on with both lists but I won't. My eyes are tired and my ears are begging me to listen to more Incubus.

Good night!

I'll tell ya' what's on my mind...

2009-02-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

right now, I'm sitting on this chair, in front of the computer screen, eating grapes, drinking water, listening to Yann Tiersen (he made the music for Amélie). Right now, I am wishing I could be somewhere else. I started another idea last night, but I don't feel like writing it in my bedroom. As much as I love writing, I'd love to be in a place where I could write without being bothered by somebody else's loud shitty music, or my mom and my siblings yelling or watching TV. It's depressing sometimes being here. I lock myself in my rooms and put my headphones on, but even that doesn't seem to be working lately. At the moment I don't have enough money to go to a Starbucks and buy a coffee and write there. I need a life for myself. I want a life for myself.

SOOOO...

2009-02-16T16:37:00.000-08:00

After more than two weeks (I think), maybe more, of not blogging, I'm back! It's not that I'm a bad blogger or I didn't want to blog anymore. I've been really busy lately, last week I started working with kids in a literature workshop, and I'm the teacher, so it's been keeping me out of my house for the better part of the day. Tomorrow is the second-to-last class. It's been fun so far! I have like 20 or some more kids in my class, and last week I made them create a planet and write a biography. We've also been playing lots of word games, drawing and just spending our afternoon hanging out alltogether (now). Also, adding to all of that, visiting the dentist and the ophtalmologist. Especially the ophtalmologist. Um... I went to two used books fairs. I bought Hannibal, The Bicentenarian Man and Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. I also bought a few b/w pictures of dancers and guitar players, and this one of a girl who kinda looks like if Vicky-T lived in the 60's. And a poster of Marilyn Monroe, which I might be using tomorrow for the class, and another one of The Little Prince. Also I started writing again, but until I'm done with it the only one who will know about this is Maria Zahir. A hint: coming soon to a theater near you. That'd be awesome. Also, The Kooks have been on repeat a lot lately. Yay! I had to reboot this fucking old desktop computer and my entry was saved! Anyway... Konk is a really good album. Give it a listen, you won't regret it! This kids better come this year to Chile... Bah, I thought this was gonna be longer. But oh well, I guess I'll add some more things later, or I'll end up blogging tomorrow.

'til then!

I find this sign really funny

2009-02-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

The only difference between

2009-02-03T14:48:00.000-08:00

People that live in Santiago and people that do not live in Santiago but are only visiting relatives/other personal issues, is that the second group actually apologize if they push you or something. The first group don't even give a damn. So, here's the story: I was born in Talca, a small southern city like 4 hours away from Santiago, which means I'm of course southern and enjoy the cold weather! Anyway, I was walking somewhere and this really cute good looking geek kid pushed me aside, or I thought I pushed him, but we both turned around and said "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! it really wasn't my intention..." and then we both said "oh, it's okay, I'm fine don't worry" and then we smiled and kept walking our own separate ways. On the subway home I realized not only that he wasn't from Santiago, but also he was really cute.

So, beware, there's a huge lack of politeness in Santiago, people walk way too fast to care about anything else that doesn't concern themselves. And if you do happen to find somebody polite enough to apologize, smile! and enjoy the moment, there won't be as much as you'd like to.

Also, check this out!! it's beautiful!

wow, this is LONG!

2009-01-29T09:43:00.000-08:00

I'll start by saying this: knowing me, this will come out nonsense, as much as I try to explain it in the most easier way, it will come out nonsense, anyway. But still, I will do my best. It won't be as much trouble for you to read if you've read any Chuck Palahniuk book, I'm probably as messy as he is when it comes to tell a story, but at the end when you're done reading it, everything makes sense, even if sometimes you feel like you don't understand it.

When you're a kid, everything is easier for mom and dad, or whoever is raising you. In my case, mom and dad. See, the irony of this is that my granfather on my dad's side, is called Abraham. And my family is huge. Incredibly huge. I probably know just 1% of it, and that's already a lot of relatives. And my granfather Abraham is a pastor. Of course, his wife, my grandmother Teresa, is christian. She's a saint. I never say that about people, but she is a saint. Perhaps patience is the most notable thing about her, and I've always admired her for that. So, they had 6 kids (though one of them died) and named them biblical names. Isaac, Damaris, David, Paul (I think that's his name, but he's the one who died), Joel (my dad!) and Susana. SEE?! Totally christian names. My dad married my mom, who is his cousin, cause my granfather on my mom's side is half-brother of my other grandfather Abraham. It's amazing that none of the three kids that were born from them didn't born with a pig tail. My mom was also raised in a christian family. Now, when I was a kid, I didn't complain about church. Of course not, cause I had my friends over there. Although we are not friends anymore, but at the time we were really good friends. That's why I liked going to church. And, since I didn't complain, grownups took advantage of that and started teaching us little kids stuff about the bible and Jesus. See, when I was a kid, I NEVER believed that God made the universe in seven days. Or more like, six days, cause on the seventh day he took a break. Everytime I was told that story, I closed my eyes, but didn't say anything about it. Then, one day I really started thinking about the posibilities of making a universe in six days. Since God is not human, or in fact, he's just God, and everyone said he's a supreme being, I though "maybe he has superpowers". Because honestly, if he was a normal human being, and human beings do not have superpowers, unless they're X-Men, then he couldn't have created the universe in six days. Therefore, GOD HAS SUPERPOWERS. I told this to my parents one day, and they laughed at me. So, they explained me, that God has his own time. Um... what? seriously? Yes sweetie. Ok so if this guy did not have superpowers, but he has his own time, then seven days are not seven days? they're what... seven years? seven hundred years? seven minutes? seven SECONDS? SEE?! See how grownups convince little kids about something and just mess with their heads? it's horrible. Shame on them. Ok, God did not have superpowers. What a bummer, huh? I was really liking that idea. And seven days in his time are not really seven days, but they wrote that on the bible just so the human being could later invent this thing we now know as "week". That was my final conclusion and I was not going to think about it again. Moving on! When I was 12 I started going to the youth group meetings. I was the youngest one, so everyone else felt like they had this responsibility with me. They took good care of me, I must add. And one day we got an invitation to a regional youth groups meeting! Which meant, of course, that christian youth groups were going to meet in this place and talk about God and be all friendly with everyone. So, ladies and gentleman, we went. And... ok, this is a really important part of the story. I met a boy there. (go ahead, you can aw) The thing with this boy was that, before meeting him I liked one of the boys from church, but I was nothing more to him than his buddy's little sister. On the other hand, this other boy made me feel quite special... like I'd never felt before. This was a week before my 13th birthday. And yes, he gave me my first kiss. He was 15. And. I gave him his first kiss. He was (and to the day, still is) a poet. So he made a poem for me! When it was time to leave, of course, none of us wanted to leave, but that's how life is, everything ends eventually. We shared e-mails and phonenumbers (and lips), then goodbye-see-you-soon-call-me. It was beautiful! (Also, I have to add, that day when I got home, my mom started crying when my dad told him about my first kiss, I ingored her and went to her room to watch THE EXORCIST). But. I was 12 years old! I hardly saw him after that and we didn't get to talk that much on the phone or via msn. So I broke up with him, like a month before his 16th birthday. Bitch. But now I'm glad I did it. After that we actually talked a lot and became really good friends. First love crisis, it wasn't that bad really. This all happened in 2004. Now, fast forward to ... 2006, the year I met Panic At the Disco and my two best friends. Another thing that I was told, was that whoever did not believe in God, was literally Satan. Both of this girls were not believers, yet, both of them were much better persons and friends than all of the people from church together. How could anyone explain that? How, ON EARTH, was it possible, that this two girls were more loyal, patient, and open-minded than the pastor himself?! I tried hard to understand this, but I was not going to waste my time thinking, I was going to spend it with them. And so I did, and so I have been doing since then, and they have been the best friends I've ever had. And I am thankful for having them with me. Now, as any teenager, I started looking for myself. But I didn't go too far really, at least not in the looks. But I did like wearing black clothes. It was easier than trying to see which colors combine and which not. Plus, I HATE SHOPPING. Now, at church there was (don't know if still is) this lady who was clearly millionaire, cause she always looked "good". Ok... good is not the right word. To her age, she didn't look good. She was at least 45, but she dressed like if she was 20 years younger. There's nothing wrong in wanting to look younger, but HONESTLY? TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER? Isn't it a little too much? And because she thought she looked so good, she looked down at me all the time. This is another thing I have never understood and accepted. What does "come as you are" exactically mean? If in a normal week day, I wear ... a pair of jeans, chucks and a black shirt, why can't I wear that every sunday? That is how "I am", why are they telling to not "be me"? And then, not only her, but everyone else started giving me wtf stares. I got really pissed off and I decided one day to stop going. Also, I really wasn't pay attention at all to whatever the teacher/pastor was saying... not that I didn't care, I just didn't get it, and I wasn't making any effort to understand it either. Of course my dad got mad at me. And my mom too... but what the hell, there really is no point in doing something you can't do. Or trying to understand something that you don't. No matter how hard I tried, still, I couldn't. I felt sorry though, for my parents. Now, another fast forward, to 2008. We'd been looking for a house for a long time, and had finally found one. We lived in a really small apt, in the suburbs, and it was really horrible the environment there. Shitty music, drugs, thieves, rapists. There was dog shit in the sideways all the time. I used the street to walk and I avoided going out, cause I got a lot of stares from men. And it was disgusting. My parents told me that I could move to another school if I wanted to. My aunt, who lives like 9 houses away from mine (we live in a condo), is a teacher in a school close from here, and she said we could go to her school. It was a christian school. I really thought "it can't be that bad...". March 18th, first day in the new school. For some reason, the people from USA love to come to Chile to "christianize" us, as if we were living in the jungle and knew nothing of Jesus. So, I spent my first day talking with this american guys. My classmates were like "oh she speaks english?!?!" cause none of them did. The principal of this school, to my surprise, was also our head teacher, and religion class teacher (she called it "christian education", but it was the same thing). Her speech was all the time: you HAVE to believe, you HAVE to be good, you HAVE to do as the bible says. HAVE, HAVE, HAVE. All the time, it was about HAVING to do something. As far as I know, taking the decision of accepting Jesus into your heart, OR NOT, is totally PERSONAL. I write this one word really big and remarked, because that's what I was tought in all my many years of being a good girl and attend to church. Another thing I knew, but this one was a general principle, is that what other believers can do for you is lead you, teach you and help you to understand the bible. She was MAKING us believe. And THAT is something that you CAN NOT do to another person. You. Simply. DO. NOT. MAKE. THEM. BELIEVE. Unfortunately, she thought she was raising us well and never realized (until the end of the year) that she was fucking wrong. And, this time I did not stay quiet. I spoke up. Anytime I knew she was wrong, I raised my hand, and in the most polite way I told her "but...". Yet, she never heard me. She always told me "maybe, but not". She, was being God. But we, were not listening to God. So we weren't listening to her. Through all the year, we had a huge fight with her. Especially me. To her, I was Satan. To me, she was Satan, but I found it funny. To her it was a big deal. One day, the day I declared nuclear war to her, she showed us this video. First, that video was old. Old like from late 80's. This video, the one and only thing I remember it said, was that fans of rock music were satanic. Simple as that. Oh seriously...? So we are satanic! How hilarious is that! The non-hilarious part of it, was that she wanted me to stop listening to music. Yeah, she did... And oh fuck, she tried so hard to convince me that Hotel California was a satanic song! and that Jimmy Page, Jimi Hendrix, Brian May and Angus Yung were part of a satanic cult! and that the Hot Red Chilli Peppers (lol Guy Ripley, I love you) were satanic because they take their shirt off in their shows! Thank goodness she did not say anything about The Beatles, cause I would've killed her. I was really trying to take this in a good way, but after she said that about BRIAN MAY (I've been a huge Queen fan since the sweet age of 4), I started thinking "ok, you're fucking crazy and you must be put in your place". Though it was hard, at the end of the year she FINALLY realized that was she was doing was wrong, and as much as she tried to show us the way to the light, she was totally blind. And, she probably wrote this. It sounds like her. YES, THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE IN THE WORLD. Wow guys, clearly you've never watched Saved!. Watch it. I can say it's "based on actual events". Ok. Another things that bothers me, is the kind of God christian people believe in. If he truly created everything, then he also created evil. And christian people believe that God is good, and kind. I used to think that, but then I realized that God did not create evil, but he have the human being the ability to think, and therefore, the human being can create evil. If an lion kills a zebra, would you say it's evil? It is not, because the lion needs to feed, and the zebra is food for lions. Animals do not think, they act by instincts. It is us, the humans, who have been slowly but surely destroying our planet. So when a man or a woman kill, or rape, or do something horrible to another person, and they're called "animals", it's wrong. They should be called "humans". Would an animal rape another animal? An animal would only kill another animal in order to survive. The God that people make us believe in is a good God. But one day, one of my classmates showed me a paper. It said something like "John Lennon said that The Beatles were more famous than Jesus, and then he died", "Marilyn Monroe said she didn't need God, and she died". It was a list about people who'd said that they didn't need God, and after that they'd died. So, I asked him, where is your good God? the one you're showing me here is clearly taking this people back for saying that. The God you're showing me, I said, is one that takes revenge. But, the one you always talk about is good and kind. Are they the same? Or is there another mean God who kills people because they don't need him? Or, could it be, which according to me is the most possible answer, that this is only a coincidence? I don't really believe in coincidences, but if your God is really good, would he really kill people for saying they don't need him? And, of course, the paper said that all this people went to hell. Now, I told him, would you tell me what IS hell? Does it really exist? And if it does, where is it? And what about heaven? Does it really exist?. I don't remember if he answered me, but I didn't sleep that week thinking about that... is there actually a heaven and a hell? And, is there actually a DEVIL?! The fun side about this is that anytime anyone mentions the devil, I think of Red from Cow And Chicken, or Him from Powerpuff Girls. But, to be honest, this is my favorite devil of all times. Now, I'm gonna be real honest before I continue this thing about Heaven and Hell... I have always liked monsters. Especially, the devil. I've always found this character quite interesting. Red, was a real pain in the ass, and he was really obscene. Him, is really, really queer. But that Devil from Constantine, is one of a kind. Peter Stormare, I love you. And also, another devil I must say it's interesting, is of course Dave Grohl in Tenacious D: The Pick Of Destiny. Dave Grohl, I've loved you since I'm 12. But, back to monsters, they've always been an interesting subject to me. In my little twisted mind, they are not bad and creepy as grownups usually say they are. In fact, they're even better friends than normal people. And I constantly find myself drawing them... ok now, back to heaven and hell. After a week of not sleeping, I came to the final conclusion that it was all psychological, because God is different to each one of us, and it may not even exist for a lot of people. So, heaven and hell are also psychological. And personal. My heaven would be a place with music all day long. Like an eternal Warped Tour, but I could pick the line-up. My hell, would be school. Because I HATE SCHOOL. So, while heaven will be a delightful place, with music coming out of orange trees and coffee and spaghetti and psycho movies, my hell would be school. Simple as that. Now, this is where I link two things I wrote about: the devil and the ability of the human being to think. Well, thinking is actually linked to everything. And this is a theory I've been considering since I read The Holographic Universe. What if, there is no such thing as God/Devil/Heaven/Hell, and the humans just created it, to name something they were afraid of and didn't understand?

This isn't everything, though. This is just what I could put in order. There are still so many things I would like to write about, and eventually I will.

Although, there is just one thing I am certain of: my faith in humanity is what I have lost. My teachers, relatives, even some friends, people who have tought me about God and the bible, they are wrong. I am alone in this, but I do not want any help from them either. At some point, if I feel like I need help, I will ask for it. But until then, I will just read, think, speak up and discuss.

Do not take everything for granted. Doubt of what you are told and always think everything more than twice.

2009-01-28T10:39:00.001-08:00

according to my sister, it's the BFF Week.

I really don't know what to think of it, since I hardly believe what she or my older brother tell me, cause their sources are always wrong. Still... ok, who am I kidding, even if it was the BFF Week, I wouldn't know what to think of it.

There's a lot of things that I don't know what to think of. And if I do think of them, I never say "okay this is my opinion about [insert thing here]", cause I don't have anything concrete about it. Lately, many of this things have been about religion. Everything I was tought when I was a kid is exactically what I now doubt of. It's hard and complicated, mostly because I was raised in a christian family, and they (my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents) hate when I start talking about my doubts.

Unfortunately, to blog about this I need more than 27 minutes, which is what's left of my notebook to live. So, until I blog again, I will really think of what I will write.

Later!

Coin-Operated Boy

2009-01-28T07:55:00.000-08:00

JUST REMEMBERED THIS! I'm freaking myself out, I hate when this kind of flash backs attack. They're a pain in the ass, because most of the time, they are bad memories. Or not bad, but just memories I tried to forget, succeed, and somehow, they always manage their way back to my head. does that even make sense? oh what the hell, when did I start to care if something makes sense or not...

Back to 2006, first year of highschool. I guess that's what in the US they call freshman (is it?). Anyway, for english class, the teacher said we had to sing a song. We were like 45 students in one classroom, and I was the only one happy about it. Only because I like singing, and I immediatly knew which song I wanted to sing! Coin-Operated Boy, by The Dresden Dolls. The thing is, it wasn't just singing it, we had to dress up and play around while singing. Just like if you were on a theatre, or onstage with your band, etc. So, I HAD IT ALL PLANNED. Everything! I spent days planning my entrance, what I was gonna do, some mime tricks, just any The-Dresden-Dolls-esque thing that crossed my mind. It was really something. And, one day, the teachers says, we're not gonna do this project. WHAT ?! we're not going to do it, beacuse, some students barely understand english, and asking them to do something like singing in english would be quite selfish. So, instead, you're just gonna have to read a little piece of something. Oh you fuckers... I was gonna cut their heads off. I'm not exagerating, though I love doing it (it's fun!), but seriously, I got really sad, I really wanted to do it... Then, the teacher one day says we're gonna have to sing a song, but this time IT WAS FOR REAL. So I thought, ok, no Dresden Dolls, now it's Panic At the Disco time! I figured if I sang There's A Good Reason, I was gonna have to dance, and I wanted to dance, so that was my choice. So I started planning my revenge! Everything was going great, until one day, the teacher says "change of plans, you're all gona sing the same song" WHAT?! yeees, the same song... once again, OH YOU FUCKERS! Besides, you know what song was?! I Can See Clearly Now. OH REALLY?! yes, really... that one. And it was a group thing, so my group came everyday after class to my house (just cause it was the closest one to school) and we sang the fucking song a few times and I got sick of it. SO. The same day we were gonna have to "perform" the song, it was the Yellowcard show, and at that time I was a huge Yellowcard fan. But I had no tickets. So that morning I was listening to a radio show and if you called and guesses the song you could win tickets! GUESS WHAT. I CALLED. I GUESSED. I WON! Then we performed and we got an A and apparently we were the only group that got A's and then I said my goodbyes and I ran to the arena and I sang along to all the songs and then I took a picture of the bassplayer (I think his name is Sean) and just when I shot he looked into the camera (so I guess he got blind for a few seconds) and when I was looking at the pictures in my computer his eyes looked red. Although, those pictures got lost in the other computer, and now I don't know where they are. To make this whole deal even more a trauma for me, I was watching Igor, and at the very end of the really cute Burton-esque movie, the blind orphans sing I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW. Of course, (and I will not exagerate this time) I got all psycho-girlfriend on the movie and started yelling at it... FUCKER. WHY THAT ONE. I mean, of course, it was ironic, cause the blind orphans are ... well, blind, and they can't see, but still they can see clearly now the rain is gone, because Malaria (which is where they live) was a dark place and it was cloudy and dark all day and night. Yeah I got the irony of it, cause I'm quite ironic and sarcastic. But seriously. WHY?!. And yes, I did get all psycho-girlfriend on the movie for doing it. I do it sometimes. It's relaxing.

The New Year

2009-01-25T17:09:00.001-08:00

When I was 17, I wrote a short story. I showed it to my friend from school, she showed it to the teacher, he showed it to the principal, and the principal showed it to his siter, who worked in a magazine. A few days later, the principal called me to his office and told me that his sister wanted to publish my story. My friends threw a party for me that friday night.

Then I moved out of my parent's house. Bought my own apartment, really, really far away from them. I started a band with my two best friends. Everyone who had heard our music said we were like a female version of The Strokes. They said that we were like, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit of rock n' roll. We threw a party every friday night, celebrating the past week, and the week that was coming.

I got married. He proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower. We did a little ceremony at the beach, with our close friends. We wrote our own vows. And we celebrated all night long.

Then the twins were born. We bought a big house at the beach, with a music room, and a studio for me, where I could write and paint whenever I wanted to. And every friday, our friends came with their kids, and we all had dinner together, celebrating our long friendship.

And then you got sick, and you started writing me letters. I saved them all in a box, and I put it next to your guitar. And when you died, I did just what you asked me to: celebrate our love. So every day, before sunset, I sat down under our tree, and I sang all the songs we wrote together.

And when I knew I was gonna die, I asked our sons and daughters to bury me next to you, and to protect our tree. I asked them to not sell our beach house. And most importantly, I asked them to think that we were in a better place together, because I knew if they did, we would be.

And I realize now, that I celebrated a lot. Maybe some things weren't meant to be celebrated, but still, I did. But beyond that, I realize how happy I was, having you all celebrating with me. What if none of that would've ever happened? What if I would've never written that story? My life would be so different. Maybe even the opposite to what it was. But I know now, that whatever happened, if it was worth to celebrate, you were there with me celebrating.

And that's what matters.

wrote this last night, after I watched The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. it's really amazing. or at least that's my point of view. weird how a movie/song/person can either change your mind or make you realize a lot of things.

2009-01-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

this was me, everyday of last year.

(the loser, of course. not the two assholes talking about shitty tv shows)

warehouse

Marigold by Foo Fighters

2009-01-23T15:37:00.000-08:00

my little sister

2009-01-21T17:11:00.000-08:00

is in that age... and it freaks me out. i really can't stand her being locked in her bedroom, online talking with whoever. she's been a real pain in the ass lately, with all this new friends she's making. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm only saying that she likes to show off and thinks she can talk to me like if I was some dumb common criminal. And I don't like that, as a sister I respect her and therefore she must respect me. But she thinks just because her friends are in her bedroom she doesn't have to. So I rather not talking to her. And jeez... kids this day are horrible. Too much TV can really affect you, and they're living proof of that. But also, I cannot tell her this. So I don't. I shut up. To not ... make her to hate me, cause I'm right (on my way), but I don't want her to hate me either, so I shut up. I don't even complain to my parents. But it does freak me out... especially boys. They scare me. They're not like the boys when I was 12, and still then they were a little more gentleman. Now it's all about "hey give me your msn/facebook/fotolog/whatever" and they think they know each other. The immatureness of this kids is what scares me. I like to blame it on the TV, but their parents are guilty. Letting their kids watching TV is way easier than sitting with them and talk about... I don't know, Gaza, maybe. Or that's just me and my dad. The other day I used a metaphore while we were having dinner and my sister stared at me like "wtf did you just say" and it wasn't THAT hard to understand. It was this one: "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for life." It really isn't that hard to understand, is it? This whole issue freaks me out... one day I couldn't find my eyeliner, so I went downstairs and asked my sister "do you have my eyeliner?" and just freezed. I honestly never realized that someday I was gonna ask her that, and when I did it felt weird. But oh well, that's just how life it is. I still can be a good big sister and try to talk with her (NOT using metaphores).

2009-01-19T19:12:00.001-08:00

i'm never gonna get tired of this

Wish List

2009-01-19T08:17:00.000-08:00

Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk (honestly, I'd name all his books, cause I want them all, but I really don't want to read Fight Club from my computer, my eyes are already screwed up)
Rare Birds - Amanda De Cadenet
I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone - Stephanie Kuehnert
Big Fish - Daniel Wallace
The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy And Other Stories - Tim Burton
No One Belongs Here More Than You - Miranda July
Apples - Richard Milward
Night Watch, Day Watch, Twilight Watch, Last Watch - Serguéi Lukyanenko
Anything by Isaac Asimov

Those are the ones I can think of right now... or at least the ones that were in my list. The one I have to show my dad (with prices). They're all used though, so they don't cost more than $10, and even some of them cost like $2.

In a side, completely unrelated note, Ben Gibbard owns my soul. If he's not God then I don't know who God might be. And if he's not God then there is no hope for humanity. (is there, anyway?)

Charlie Ravioli

2009-01-18T16:36:00.000-08:00

"A paracosm is an imagined, detailed fantasy world invented by a child or perhaps an adult, involving humans and/or animals, or perhaps even fantasy or alien creations. Often having its own geography, history, and language, it is an experience that continues over a long period of time: months or even years."

Bumping into Mr. Ravioly by Adam Gopnik: "busyness of life in New York City; effects on a child's imagination."

Just read this, and researched a little bit about paracosms. It's really good. Or at least I really liked it.

Birthday Party

2009-01-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

yeah right. More like "family dinner". I forgot how ... weird those things can be sometimes. Fun, however, since Sofia was there, but still... to think that this year I'll turn 18, I really don't want a family dinner birthday party for my birthday. But it's inevitable! I'm gonna have it anyway... only I could run away from it, go to a disco instead. Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Oh shit. I'm gonna turn 18 and I'm a senior. But wait, why do I act like I didn't know this before? Of course I did know this before! Jeez, I'm being such a little girl about this whole I'm-a-senior thing. Yeah it is my last year at school, I should celebrate. But oh wait, see, my parents think that because it's my last year they can push me all they want to go to college. But fuck it. So far, I'm not going. If I change my mind and end up deciding that I will go, still at that moment I'll have doubt. OH fuck... I'm not good when it comes to this situation. Let's take a look at the options, shall we? yes, we shall. Option A would be psychology. But, women who think men are useless and shit are the reason why I would not choose this option, since they're the ones who "need" mental help, and I couldn't do it. Option B would be graphic design/photography... I could only choose this option if I move to the US. Which I am more than willing to do. Those are my two options. And unfortunately, I hate the idea of college. I dislike, more than anything in this world, being graded and fighting for a grade. I hate waking up early, and that 9-5 routine. I hate routine. I would get to drink coffee every morning, but I can do that even without going to college. So... that leaves me with no options. I am, however, not so hopeless. If I move to the US, I can start looking for people to make a band, since it's really what I want. The amazing addition to music, is photography. Getting to be in so many places, and having your camera with you is just really awesome. I love taking pictures and I enjoy traveling. And I love music... so that would be my real option. So, I need money. I'm turning 18 so I can work. How many fucking times have I gone over this again and again and again and again and again and again and again and so on? I lost the count. But that's my plan. Whenver people ask me about college I say "I'm gonna study psychohistory" and nobody gets it. Except one man I know, since he's probably a 25 year old male version of me, maybe a little more psycho, and he's a psychologist. Not mine. I mean, he studied psychology at college and now he's a psychologist. I do ask him questions when I have them and I know he can answer. Oh man... Yann Tiersen is amazing. You might know him from Amélie. He made the music for the movie. But he has his own albums... been listening to him this week a lot. Such a talented man. Makes me wanna learn to play accordion. Which reminds me, in a most nonsense way since it's really unrelated, I wanna learn to dance jazz. I love jazz and I was at my uncle's and he's a musician and he loves jazz, so we were listening to it. And I really felt like dancing. So I have another resolution: learn to dance jazz. Also learn to play guitar, and maybe harmonica. And get a better camera, definitely. Something's wrong with mine, it won't turn on sometimes. I need another one, a better one! And I have to start writing songs again. Or finish the ones I started. I feel like I have to enjoy this year... but I also feel like not giving a shit about it. Which way should I go? Also I feel sleepy. And I have to get up early tomorrow, since today I didn't go to the gym.

So, even though it's still a little early, and I'm gonna miss SNMC,
G'night!

Villains

2009-01-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

of Gotham City should attack in daylight. YES I KNOW THAT IS NOT THE IDEA OF THE COMIC/MOVIE because the law and Batman are the goodies and they should always win. But, jeez, couldn't the bad guys at least win once? it's like Tom and Jerry! fucking Jerry always wins! poor Tom gets kicked in the ass by that old lady all the time! But now that I remember, in The Dark Knight, Joker does attack in daylight... and it results to Detective Gordon getting "killed". Oh well.. if I was a villain of Gotham City I'd attack Bruce, not Batman.

Le Cyclope De La Mer

2009-01-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

Part 1

Part 2

Backyard

2009-01-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

I just found my guitar pick in my sister's bedroom. I really can't help but wonder what the fuck it's doing here, since she doesn't play guitar. But, also, the guitar is here too. Maybe the guitar and the pick were playing themselves? Mmh... maybe they were covering some Remember Maine songs? *note to self: buy new strings*

Today. So, today I was supposed to go out with my dear Kris. I texted her twice, called to her cellphone twice, and there was no answer. I called to her house and there was no answer either so I guessed they went out and she forgot to take her cellphone. I still love you, and I know you would've not go to Starbucks with me so it's ok, we can still go out some other day and I promise I will not make you go to Starbucks. You can stay outside while I order my coffee xD. Still, I went out on my own. I desperately needed caffeine, so I went to Starbucks and bought a Vanilla Latte. Venti of course, I needed a lot of caffeine. I took a walk to this thrift shop and bought a shirt. There was a The Academy Is... shirt to my surprise. But it was too small for me. And it didn't have the "..." so there was no use to buy it to my friend either. Then I walked to a used books fair. But it was far away so I walked like 10-15 minutes. Which was actually really cool, cause I had my coffee with me. Though it's summer so I got a lot of wtf stares. But whatever. I eat ice-cream when it's winter. With Kris. While I was walking this guy came up to me and asked me if I could give him a minute of my time. I stopped, put the coffee on the floor, put the plastic bag into my bag, took my coffee off the floor and stared at him. He thanked me, and said nowadays nobody listens. He handed me a paper were there was this poem written on and he started talking about his writer's group and art and such. I told him, as an artist (writer/photographer) myself, not even my parents take me seriously. Which is sad, cause they're my parents. But I still do it. Then I just kept walking. And walking. And there was a red light so I stopped. And then I walked some more. More. Kept walking. And ... then I got where I wanted to go. So I started walking and taking a look at the books, and I was getting sad cause I'd found none of my interest, and suddenly I came across this one called The Best American Magazine Writing 2003, and it seemed interesting so I bought it. The first journal is about Pernkopf, a nazi austrian anatomist who used the dead bodies of Jewish people, and many talented artists who drew and painted parts of the bodies, to write his very own anatomy book, which is now forbiden I think. It turned out to be really interested so I'm happy I bought it. Now I'm gonna have something else to do, other than knit and watch movies. Right after that, I walked to a park and kept walking until I found a bench far away from making-out couples. On my way over there I started a song and when I finally found it I wrote it on my sketchbook! so I'll post it later. I sat down and read a little bit. Then I realized it was almost 8pm and that I should get home, because I was also getting hungry. So I took the subway and listened to Living In America by The Sounds. Really good band. Really good album. But it killed me that I couldn't dance in the subway. I mean, I could have, but I didn't. So I just tapped my foot to the beat. I got home and ate some watermelon in the backyard. My parents and my brother were there and we had a little "family" time. Or not really, since my brother was playing Diablo on the notebook, and my parents were reading the newspapers. But I sat down with them anyway. We talked a little bit and then my uncle, my aunt, and my two cousins showed up and we had a little real family time this time. We ate dinner like at 10:30pm. That is another thing I like about being on vacations. I wake up at 7am, fall asleep again, wake up at 11am (like the Incubus song) and take a 5-10 minutes cold shower, then have lunch, then do whatever, drink a lot of water, maybe watch movies or go out, I forgot to say I wake up earlier actually to go to the gym, then I always eat dinner really late, and stay up late at night trying to fall asleep, and finally fall asleep at 4am. That's a normal day on vacation for me. Usually after vacation, when you go back to school everyone talks about what they did on vacation. Usually, what everyone says is that they went out every night to a party and got really drunk and just kind of almost killed themselves drinking. Then when it's my turn and I say "I slept" they don't get it. Why didn't I party? Did I even drink? Yeah sure, but vacation for me is to sleep what I did not in school time. On vacation, I actually sleep more than my usual 3-4 hours. And that's what I've been doing lately. Where was I...? um... oh yeah, dinner. Then I came upstairs and I've been here on the computer (it's a desktop computer!) in my sister's bedroom writing about my day.

Maybe I'll do this more often... since my camera is being weird and it's not letting me take pictures. It's either the camera or the bateries, but there's something wrong and I haven't been able to take pictures. Which gives me an excuse to tell my dad to buy me another one. Hope he does. So yeah, maybe I will write about anything more often. I mean, isn't that what blogging is about?

Music recommendations:
-The Shoe Jena Malone singing reminds me of Regina Spektor, except out of key and maybe crazier and more random. Really cool.
- The Fold they remind me of another band but I can't remember which one at this moment. But they sound good.
- The Films I love It's Christmas (What's The Difference). Really good title and even better song.
- Program The Dead download their albums for free. And listen to them. You won't regret it.
- And of course, if you haven't downloaded it already, go get Howl NOW. For Free (that's why they're broke).
- Also, listen to a song called My Yard by Jamie Cullum. It's beautiful. And if you're into jazz, get his albums, he's one talented pianist and singer.

Here, watch this, a beautiful High And Dry cover, by Jamie Cullum of course.

If you do like him, check out I Get A Kick Out Of You, Twentysomething, All At Sea, and any other song. Those are some of my personal fav.

Another band that can make really good long songs and amaze the crowd is Incubus. Check them out, maybe watch some live videos, especially of Pistola, Sick Sad Little World, and Have You Ever, those are the songs that are usually played longer live. Maybe buy their dvd Look Alive, they were in Europe (and Israel, Iceland, and Dubai)when they recorded it so it also shows really beautiful landscapes. Maybe some footage of their show in Chile would've been in it, but Mike had surgery so they had to change the date, and we didn't get to be in the dvd. But a national tv channel recorded the whole concert, and it's on youtube now. Maybe watch it too. It's amazing.

It's 1:38am already, so G'night!

Bloodsuckers VS Bloodsuckers

2009-01-11T17:18:00.000-08:00

I loved this short. (start watching from 1:36)

Subway To Starbucks

2009-01-11T06:46:00.000-08:00

There aren't so many people in the subway today. Guess everyone is out for vacations. Maybe they went to the beach. Maybe they are in another country. Or working. I like the subway. I like it better than the bus. And I'd like it more if there were no TV screens in it. They're useless, show too many ads and make too much noise. But still, I rather taking the subway than taking the bus. I don't sit down. I stand up in front of the window. Looking at the landscape. Listening to The Kooks. I thank God for them. I take some pictures. I find my way out of the station. Start walking to Starbucks. The security guy holds the door opened as he welcomes me. I bow, like the ladies used to bow, in the old times. He bows too, and smiles. I order a Vanilla Latte. Venti. Pay for it and sit down. I hear my name and start drinking it. As if I was drowning and this beverage was my air. As if I was a junkie and this was my heroine. As if I was a psycho or a vampire, and the caffeine was blood. Maybe I am all of that. Maybe I am a psycho vampire who is drowning. A tear runs down my cheek and I wipe it off with my sleeve. My eyeliner probably ran, but what the fuck do I care. I just drink. Coffee. Caffeine. Air. Heroine. Blood. Music. Love. Everything I need is that hot beverage in a recycled-plastic cup. And I thank God for The Kooks again. My cellphone rings. My dad wants to know if I went to the gym. My mom told me to take care of me. I want a cat. Back home. Subway agan. I sit down this time. I walked around for an hour or two and I feel tired. Or that is my excuse. The guy standing in front of me looks like if he had a coffee earlier and then took a walk around the park. I take a book out of my bag, but put it back in again. Fucking televisions. And for the third time in the day, I thank God for The Kooks. I get home. Say hello and walk upstairs. Take a cold shower. Wash my teeth. Knit. And I fall asleep really late. Thinking that I want somebody to sleep with. Another body keeping me warm in those cold nights. Somebody else breathing the air around my neck. Making me sweat and moan. Touching my skin softly as a wake-up call. Even hating him sometimes. But still, knowing that at night he'll come to my bed to sleep next to me. Cuddle up to me. Make spoons and hold hands. Just loving me. Me loving him. Just that.

But I keep thanking God for The Kooks...

looks like a postcard

2009-01-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

and this is a picture of a southern landscape i took two summers ago. unfortunately i can't find the original version and this one i took it from my myspace. but it's another best-memory-of-a-summer.

Sofia (again)

2009-01-10T20:54:00.000-08:00

this picture is blurry (and heavy). but to be honest, it's the best memory i have of this summer. this is Sofia. she's 2 years old. to her age, she's probably the most intelligent baby i've met. besides her older brother maybe. if you're clear when you talk to her you will get a good conversation. in her language of course, but it's really not hard to understand her once she gets familiar with you and once the rest of us tells you the meaning of her words. for example, she says petn when she sees a bird. and that's probably our fav word. so there's actually a threat in my family: whoever teaches her to say "bird" gets killed. qnqn, yes just like that, are coins. any kind of coin. and there's a lot more, but those two are my fav i think. also, as you can see in the picture, she's really fotogenic. and really nice. and really beautiful. if only she wouldn't grow up any more and just stay like that. it's gonna be so weird to listen to her saying bird...

Shine On by The Kooks

2009-01-10T19:33:00.001-08:00

myspace question

2009-01-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

so when you send a friend request, and that person/artist/band/whoever approves it, you get a message that says "[add name here] is now your friend!". but if you get a friend request, and you deny it, does that person/artist/band/whoever gets a message that says "[add name here] did not approve your friend request and therefore is not your friend"? would he/she/they be like OH FUCK YOU THE WORLD IS HUGE AND WE DIDN'T EVEN LIKE YOU ? or maybe that person doesn't get a message saying that, so he/she/they wouldn't get mad. but hey, you can't ask anyone to like you! (there's only one person in the world who can do that and that's Gabe Saporta, just cause he's an asshole and he's Gabe Saporta and he can do it because ... well because he's Gabe Saporta...there's really no logic in it but it does make sense)

yeah I do think about things like this sometimes. it's just ... what I'm looking at right now. ads also make me think. or, more like, almost everything makes me think. even little bugs.

sigh kids ...

2009-01-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

my little sister and her bff had a stupid fight a while ago, cause my little sister didn't wanna go riding bikes and her bff did. so they got divorced. and they told each other on my mom, and I told them both "punch her!". now I went downstairs to the kitchen to make some more tea and they were dancing this song from Disney Channel. and they're laughing they're asses off now but I don't know why. that's probably what I miss about being a kid... cause now you have a fight with anyone and you never really know what's gonna happen, but for kids it's easier, they just forgive each other and keep playing. I miss being a kid. I really do... life somehow seemed... easier and funnier. I don't like growing up at all.