i've been listening to mando diao for the past four hours or so. while sitting on this chair in front of the computer screen. while watching pictures. while tweeting a shit or two. while watching pictures. while listening to mando diao. if there's one thing i can't stop doing is watching pictures. yes, i can stop listening to mando diao, or to any music, if i need to. but i can't stop watching pictures. i can't stop seeing everything through a camera lens. i can't stop thinking "that'd be nice for a character". this morning i woke up at 8.30 am and i had the best idea to finish the story about sean and his surgeon suit. i could stop eating. i could stop drinking coffee (not really). i could stop doing many things. but i couldn't stop watching pictures. and even if i could, i wouldn't. hell no. fuck no. shit no. i can not stop doing it. even if i dislike something about it, or the whole. when i walk down the street or take the subway or when i'm at school with my friends and classmates or when i go out with kris or fer, i see everything through a camera lens. my head is the camera and my eres are the lens. go ahead, tell me i'm wrong. tell me i won't succeed. tell me you'll say you told me so. i don't care. i don't give a fuck about it. believing is seeing. i believe in myself. i see myself. you don't believe in me. you don't see me. you think you do, but thinking and believing is not the same. neither is feeling. when i take a picture, i feel. and you can't take that away from me. so fuck you, i'm on my own this time. or maybe i've always been on my own. it just makes it harder, but if it was easier, maybe in the end i wouldn't be so happy with the result. i don't like it as it is, but it's like that and i take it. i accept it. and fyi, i am the one who's giving in, even though i said i was afraid of doing it because it was what i was afraid of becoming. my biggest fear is giving in, and i'm doing it. so fuck you.